[After the whole mess of everything that's been happening the past several days, Lance hadn't quite realized just how many it had been since he'd spoken with Kyna. So it's definitely a bit of a late text, and he feels like it's going to be an awkward one considering what he found out from Ephemera.]
Hello Kyna. I'm sorry it took so long to get back to you, although I imagine you've been busy the past few days as well. Are you feeling well enough that your offer still stands?
[And that said--]
Don't ask me how I know what happened, because I can't say, but I didn't want to insult you with my bad acting in an attempt to pretend I didn't know.
[He's actually a decent enough actor, but not about this sort of thing. This sort of thing he's really obvious about and it probably would've taken her two seconds of talking in person before it became obvious.]
i can just meet you at the clinic. and look idk i've never talked to a psychologist before. but i have this friend, right? and he hates being touched. i'm not going to tell you why because that would be shitty. but he asked me to help him get used to it and i don't know the best way to do it.
Okay; I'm there now and will be for awhile, so whenever is good for you should be fine.
[And okay, that's not what he's expecting to hear, but--]
I'll tell you upfront that it's very difficult to effectively treat an issue like that without addressing the underlying cause, but there are still a few things I can suggest that might help to some extent.
[He understands that she won't or can't tell him because it isn't her story to tell, and he respects that, but he also doesn't want to give her a false impression of how much is possible.]
It depends on how serious the issue is and how he reacts, but usually exposure therapy is effective to at least some extent. It tends to be more so for phobias than anxiety or trauma-induced issues, but it can still help for the latter.
[And although he doesn't know the details, both the nature of the problem and that Kyna knows but can't tell him the cause of it makes him pretty sure it's probably in one of the latter categories.]
Start off with whatever he's normally okay with, whether it's any sort of actual physical contact or just being within a certain proximity, and then slowly push the boundary to whatever extent he's okay with; the idea is to do so enough that it's out of his comfort zone, but not so much so that it causes any serious distress. Repeating this over time gradually lessens the subconscious reaction that makes the experience so stressful, because it begins to undo the connection between the issue and whatever negative consequence may be associated with it.
[And all of that said--]
It's important to go at his pace, though, and for him to be completely aware of what's going on; it's even better if he can bring himself to be the one to initiate the contact.
okay. that's mostly what i've been doing, but i'm usually the one touching him. and idk i don't want to freak him out. usually it seems like he's just trying to power through it.
That's good, especially if it's been going okay; having to just power through it is pretty normal, and an important first step. But letting him do it gives control the situation, and it'll also help you worry less, which might benefit you both.
i'll teach you my coolest spells and everything. what about people who have really bad nightmares? it's probably another treat the underlying trauma thing, right?
It depends, but yes. However, sorting out one's thoughts before sleeping can often help, even if it's just by writing down whatever they're thinking or feeling before they go to sleep. Serious or recurring nightmares that go beyond normal or occasional ones tend to be related to the subconscious making sense of and coping with something that's happened, and so doing that as much as possible while awake can help.
Exactly. It doesn't have to be a paper one though; using the phones is fine, or even just talking out loud to himself when he's alone. Whatever works.
[Lance prefers paper, and there are plenty of empty books at the library to use, but he understands why someone might worry about having their thoughts in a form that someone might be able to find and read.]
If he's willing to, yes, and that would probably be even more effective.
That depends. If there's a distinct theme in his nightmares, whether in content or even just emotion or feeling, then talking about that might be best. Alternatively, if there's a problem or issue that is on his mind often while he's awake, that could also cause the dreams and so discussing it could work.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
[text]
Hello Kyna. I'm sorry it took so long to get back to you, although I imagine you've been busy the past few days as well. Are you feeling well enough that your offer still stands?
[And that said--]
Don't ask me how I know what happened, because I can't say, but I didn't want to insult you with my bad acting in an attempt to pretend I didn't know.
[He's actually a decent enough actor, but not about this sort of thing. This sort of thing he's really obvious about and it probably would've taken her two seconds of talking in person before it became obvious.]
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i swear to god this cave is like some crappy small town in fucking iowa or some shit.
if you're going to yell at me can we get it out of the way?
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I have no desire to yell at you; you didn't do anything wrong.
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well cool then. yeah i'm better. pell healed me.
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That's good; broken ribs hurt.
[Understatement, but also probably obvious that he's speaking from experience.]
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when do you want to meet up?
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and hey this is a weird question but
you're a psychologist, right?
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It'd be a lot weirder if I wasn't, but I am, yes. Why?
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and look idk i've never talked to a psychologist before.
but i have this friend, right?
and he hates being touched.
i'm not going to tell you why because that would be shitty.
but he asked me to help him get used to it and i don't know the best way to do it.
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[And okay, that's not what he's expecting to hear, but--]
I'll tell you upfront that it's very difficult to effectively treat an issue like that without addressing the underlying cause, but there are still a few things I can suggest that might help to some extent.
[He understands that she won't or can't tell him because it isn't her story to tell, and he respects that, but he also doesn't want to give her a false impression of how much is possible.]
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[And although he doesn't know the details, both the nature of the problem and that Kyna knows but can't tell him the cause of it makes him pretty sure it's probably in one of the latter categories.]
Start off with whatever he's normally okay with, whether it's any sort of actual physical contact or just being within a certain proximity, and then slowly push the boundary to whatever extent he's okay with; the idea is to do so enough that it's out of his comfort zone, but not so much so that it causes any serious distress. Repeating this over time gradually lessens the subconscious reaction that makes the experience so stressful, because it begins to undo the connection between the issue and whatever negative consequence may be associated with it.
[And all of that said--]
It's important to go at his pace, though, and for him to be completely aware of what's going on; it's even better if he can bring himself to be the one to initiate the contact.
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that's mostly what i've been doing, but i'm usually the one touching him.
and idk
i don't want to freak him out.
usually it seems like he's just trying to power through it.
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okay, cool. thanks.
uh, question number two?
i feel like i should be paying you for this.
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what about people who have really bad nightmares?
it's probably another treat the underlying trauma thing, right?
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It depends, but yes. However, sorting out one's thoughts before sleeping can often help, even if it's just by writing down whatever they're thinking or feeling before they go to sleep. Serious or recurring nightmares that go beyond normal or occasional ones tend to be related to the subconscious making sense of and coping with something that's happened, and so doing that as much as possible while awake can help.
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idk if he'll go for that but i guess it's worth a shot.
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[Lance prefers paper, and there are plenty of empty books at the library to use, but he understands why someone might worry about having their thoughts in a form that someone might be able to find and read.]
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what kind of thoughts should he be getting in order?
anything or just what he usually dreams about?
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That depends. If there's a distinct theme in his nightmares, whether in content or even just emotion or feeling, then talking about that might be best. Alternatively, if there's a problem or issue that is on his mind often while he's awake, that could also cause the dreams and so discussing it could work.
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i'll meet you at the clinic in like fifteen minutes?
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Sure, I'll see you there.
action!
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