idk. hes never really given me any indication that it would be. plus im a difficult person to romance. sort of. a difficult person to be romantic with. im a difficult person to be friends with. theres a lot working against me is my point. in before no ur not harlan. yes i am. u know this. im not being selfdeprecating to bait u into patting my ass.
i'm not going to pat your ass. you guys have been hanging out like, all the time. he wouldn't do that if he thought you were too difficult. are you worried or something?
what do u mean weirdly funny? i appreciate what ur trying to do but idk. he knows me p well at this pt. weve done the getting to know u shit. we make good friends. but theres shit that goes into dating that its tough to predict for. im not worried abt him changing his mind or w.e but sometimes shit doesnt translate well.
i mean i didn't expect him to be funny when we first met? and usually when he is funny it comes out of nowhere. anyway i just mean don't pull some bullshit like i do and start psyching yourself out or something.
lol. ok yeah thats true. its one of his best qualities. and im trying not to. its not that easy. plus these are rational concerns. like i doubt he wants to date someone he cant even touch. panna wouldnt have been cool w. it longterm. james def wasnt. u tolerate it as a friend but if we were dating i bet itd be a diff story. look on the whole this is still a good thing. im not losing sight of that. im excited af. but im always gonna be nervous abt one thing or another. thats just how it is. u dont have to try to talk me down.
i'm a bad example though. i touch everyone all the time. we're like exact opposites. i know i don't have to talk you down but idk i wish you wouldn't talk like you're doomed to be alone forever because of some of this stuff.
yeah i know. its not impossible. i can work up to shit. i managed to have a sort of normal relationship w. james. i was getting there w. panna. maybe anyway. and i want to touch him. thats a start. but its not easy and itll take time. and progress isnt like. idk. linear. thats the most frustrating part. maybe ill be able to hold his hand one day but the next im off limits completely. i cant even predict that shit. even if hes the most patient person in the world thats gonna get annoying. at least sometimes. its asking a lot of him.
you don't have a ghost thing attached to you. i'm just saying, i bet he knows what it feels like to you know, think someone isn't going to be able to accept you or whatever.
yeah ig. look i know all that is true but this still feels diff. like maybe he can accept that i dont do great w. physical contact but that doesnt mean hell want it any less. hed be compromising. thats a shitty way to kick off a relationship. i appreciate what ur trying to do but ur not gonna be able to talk me out of this. its not that easy.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
i know.
just like theres a time and place k.
no subject
what are you going to make him for dinner?
no subject
kind of didnt expect the feeling to be mutual ig.
no subject
no subject
plus im a difficult person to romance. sort of.
a difficult person to be romantic with.
im a difficult person to be friends with.
theres a lot working against me is my point.
in before no ur not harlan.
yes i am. u know this. im not being selfdeprecating to bait u into patting my ass.
no subject
you guys have been hanging out like, all the time.
he wouldn't do that if he thought you were too difficult.
are you worried or something?
no subject
im always worried.
im the hulk but w. anxiety.
no subject
it's gonna go great and you guys are going to be attached at the hip.
michael's super chill and weirdly funny.
no subject
i appreciate what ur trying to do but idk.
he knows me p well at this pt. weve done the getting to know u shit.
we make good friends.
but theres shit that goes into dating that its tough to predict for. im not worried abt him changing his mind or w.e but sometimes shit doesnt translate well.
no subject
and usually when he is funny it comes out of nowhere.
anyway i just mean
don't pull some bullshit like i do and start psyching yourself out or something.
no subject
and im trying not to. its not that easy.
plus these are rational concerns.
like i doubt he wants to date someone he cant even touch.
panna wouldnt have been cool w. it longterm. james def wasnt.
u tolerate it as a friend but if we were dating i bet itd be a diff story.
look on the whole this is still a good thing. im not losing sight of that. im excited af.
but im always gonna be nervous abt one thing or another. thats just how it is. u dont have to try to talk me down.
no subject
we're like exact opposites.
i know i don't have to talk you down but idk
i wish you wouldn't talk like you're doomed to be alone forever because of some of this stuff.
no subject
[Then, after a minute or so:]
its something ill talk to him abt eventually. maybe tmrw. well see how it goes.
thats the only real option atm anyway.
no subject
maybe he can help.
no subject
its not impossible. i can work up to shit. i managed to have a sort of normal relationship w. james.
i was getting there w. panna. maybe anyway.
and i want to touch him. thats a start.
but its not easy and itll take time. and progress isnt like. idk.
linear.
thats the most frustrating part.
maybe ill be able to hold his hand one day but the next im off limits completely. i cant even predict that shit.
even if hes the most patient person in the world thats gonna get annoying. at least sometimes. its asking a lot of him.
no subject
i hope it works. you deserve it.
no subject
i mean my something is pretty big league compared to shit like hey you snore.
no subject
but so is michael's. i mean, no offense.
no subject
not wanting to be touched is my plus one.
and touching is a pretty fucking integral part of dating ime.
no subject
i'm just saying, i bet he knows what it feels like to
you know, think someone isn't going to be able to accept you or whatever.
no subject
look i know all that is true but this still feels diff.
like maybe he can accept that i dont do great w. physical contact but that doesnt mean hell want it any less.
hed be compromising. thats a shitty way to kick off a relationship.
i appreciate what ur trying to do but ur not gonna be able to talk me out of this. its not that easy.