[Part of Ephemera wants to refuse, laugh it off with a joke and just go back to lighting shit on fire. This was supposed to be easy. Something fun, something to lighten the fucking mood and distract from all the shit that's gone down lately.
[Ephemera feels his jaw tighten. Freelancer. Connie. Don't yell. Don't get angry. Stay right here, in the moment, and breathe.]
She and CT were together. My captain. We were gonna get her out.
[They should have bolted. Should have extracted Connie and just made a run for it first chance they had. Gone so far that Freelancer and the UNSC couldn't possibly track them down. Should've. Didn't. Everyone died.]
I liked her. She had -- hnn. She wanted to expose them. Make everyone see all the shit they pulled. That's why she waited so long. Had to get all the intel.
[He's quiet, watching her.]
Freelancer killed her. Put me down hard in the first fight, and I wasn't there. I wasn't there when they came back for her.
[They died, his brothers and sisters, and he wasn't there to fight with with. To die with them.]
Outfit we worked for stole a weapon from Freelancer. We were guarding it. Freelancer wanted it back.
[He breathes. Forces his hands to unclench.]
Connie said Freelancer command told everybody we were with the Insurrection. Figured that'd give 'em an extra push to put us down. And we were --- once. But not then.
Thought they'd be better. The UNSC--hnn. They were corrupt. They did awful things. Ordered us to do awful things. We made 'em pay for that, just a little.
[He shakes his head.]
CT led a mutiny. We followed. Killed our command. All the officers. Insurrection took us in after that.
[He doesn't mean to start yelling, but it happens anyway. It wasn't supposed to go like this. They were going to light shit on fire and maybe talk a little, do something fun for once. But it's gone wrong now and Ephemera feels his hands shaking. He forces them to unclench. Breathe, motherfucker. Breathe.]
Because their parents threw in with the Insurrection. Because they had armor. Because they were in the way. Don't you dare tell me they were innocent. They deserved what we did to them!
[Kyna's mouth twists, but miracle of miracles, for once she doesn't fire back. She's too tired to. Instead, she just waits for him to stop yelling, crossing her arms over her chest.]
[Breathe. Don't think about those kids - fucking brats, all of them - in their stolen armor, don't think about how their hands shook. Don't think about how CT talked them down, how he took his helmet off and spoke like no one was going to die. Don't think about how nearly all of them did, in the end.
Ephemera twists around and throws his helmet into the wreck of the bar, as hard as he can. Hears it bounce off something. Crash.]
They deserved it.
[He spits the words out, hands still shaking.]
They fucking deserved it!
[Because there'd been a moment there where he'd almost followed through. When he'd looked at those kids - hostile targets - and nearly pulled the trigger. Because there were orders. Because they were armored--
[She scrubs her hands over her face, letting out a frustrated sigh. It is awful. She knows why he's so upset, but she's sick of stumbling into new facets of this story that no one bothered to tell her. It's like she's constantly recalibrating.]
Are you done throwing shit or should I just leave?
[At least she's smart enough this time to know that escalating this to an actual fight would end with her ass kicked.]
Look, what they did was fucked, okay? But you came at me talking about how Wash killed Connie, and then I found out that wasn't true. And you acted like Wash was some bloodthirsty monster, and that's not true either, but you just... left out all the people you killed? I'm sick of you twisting shit, and I bet I'm not the only person you've pulled that with.
I'm not twisting anything! Freelancer killed Connie. They killed one of their own.
[He doesn't know who pulled the trigger. It doesn't matter. Washington didn't stop them. The Freelancers betrayed their own people and there's no getting around that.]
Wash didn't kill her. Tex did. You told me he didn't care, but he does. He said he didn't even know what the fuck was going on with her. She never told him and she wouldn't let him help. And you acted like he killed South for no reason, but she tried to kill him first, and then you just leave out the bullshit you did? Sorry if I'm not buying the poor put out martyr act.
[He's yelling again, not looking at Kyna. Staring hard at the burnt wreck of the table there, shaking. Trying not to imagine CT and the others looking back at him. They wouldn't have minded this place, no, they would have figured out how to make it work here. CT would have known how to explain this shit, how to spell it out so everyone understood. Kyna wouldn't have looked at CT like he was a fucking psychopath for putting those motherfuckers down like the monsters they were.
It hurts suddenly, a sharp pain in the base of his skull. It hurts and he misses CT so much. CT, Chica, all of them. Even Rodriguez, who was a bastard even before he started getting mean. He wants them back, wants them at his back, everything how it used to be. Except they're gone, they're dead, Freelancer did that.
Freelancer did that.]
You never betray your team. Never.
[His mouth tastes sour, like gunmetal. Ephemera swallows hard. Tries to be quieter, to talk like a fucking rational adult.]
Doesn't matter. They should've backed her up. She was one of them.
[Never betray your team, never let command corner any of them. Cover for them, fight for them, kill for them if you have to. But never betray your team. Never leave anyone behind.
Ephemera shivers. He doesn't feel so good. This was a mistake, talking about this shit, thinking that Kyna would understand. She's not a soldier, she's not part of his squad. He misstepped. Can't do that, no sir, can't do that.]
Wait, what? They were just supposed to follow her even though they didn't know what was going on? Maybe Tex was an asshole, but Wash said he never would have hurt her.
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[She bites her lip, thinking.]
Maybe you could just... tell me what happened?
[They've never really had a completely calm conversation about this.]
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But he does owe her this.
Ephemera exhales. Nods.]
Yeah. Okay.
[He's quiet for a moment.]
How much did Washington tell you?
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[God, where does she start?]
He told me everything about Freelancer. [And then, more firmly:] And he told me he didn't kill Connie.
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She and CT were together. My captain. We were gonna get her out.
[They should have bolted. Should have extracted Connie and just made a run for it first chance they had. Gone so far that Freelancer and the UNSC couldn't possibly track them down. Should've. Didn't. Everyone died.]
I liked her. She had -- hnn. She wanted to expose them. Make everyone see all the shit they pulled. That's why she waited so long. Had to get all the intel.
[He's quiet, watching her.]
Freelancer killed her. Put me down hard in the first fight, and I wasn't there. I wasn't there when they came back for her.
[They died, his brothers and sisters, and he wasn't there to fight with with. To die with them.]
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What were you guys doing, exactly? I mean, I know you were trying to fuck up Freelancer, but...
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[He breathes. Forces his hands to unclench.]
Connie said Freelancer command told everybody we were with the Insurrection. Figured that'd give 'em an extra push to put us down. And we were --- once. But not then.
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[He watches her for a moment.]
Like I said. We we with the Insurrection for a while. There was a bounty on us. A death order on CT.
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How'd you join the Insurrection anyway?
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[He shakes his head.]
CT led a mutiny. We followed. Killed our command. All the officers. Insurrection took us in after that.
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Wait, what? You killed your officers?
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[Ephemera blinks, not sure why she's looking at him like that.]
They would've gotten away with it. Slap on the wrist. A fucking promotion. So we came for them. Somebody had to fucking pay.
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[He doesn't mean to start yelling, but it happens anyway. It wasn't supposed to go like this. They were going to light shit on fire and maybe talk a little, do something fun for once. But it's gone wrong now and Ephemera feels his hands shaking. He forces them to unclench. Breathe, motherfucker. Breathe.]
Because their parents threw in with the Insurrection. Because they had armor. Because they were in the way. Don't you dare tell me they were innocent. They deserved what we did to them!
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Ephemera twists around and throws his helmet into the wreck of the bar, as hard as he can. Hears it bounce off something. Crash.]
They deserved it.
[He spits the words out, hands still shaking.]
They fucking deserved it!
[Because there'd been a moment there where he'd almost followed through. When he'd looked at those kids - hostile targets - and nearly pulled the trigger. Because there were orders. Because they were armored--
Fucking children. No. Stop. Don't go there.]
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Are you done throwing shit or should I just leave?
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[She doesn't get--
Stop. Don't yell, don't act crazy. This was supposed to be nice. This was supposed to be a break from all the bullshit with the Null.
Ephemera tips his head back and counts to ten. Breathes.]
Yeah, I'm done.
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Look, what they did was fucked, okay? But you came at me talking about how Wash killed Connie, and then I found out that wasn't true. And you acted like Wash was some bloodthirsty monster, and that's not true either, but you just... left out all the people you killed? I'm sick of you twisting shit, and I bet I'm not the only person you've pulled that with.
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[He doesn't know who pulled the trigger. It doesn't matter. Washington didn't stop them. The Freelancers betrayed their own people and there's no getting around that.]
I never betrayed my family. Never.
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[He's yelling again, not looking at Kyna. Staring hard at the burnt wreck of the table there, shaking. Trying not to imagine CT and the others looking back at him. They wouldn't have minded this place, no, they would have figured out how to make it work here. CT would have known how to explain this shit, how to spell it out so everyone understood. Kyna wouldn't have looked at CT like he was a fucking psychopath for putting those motherfuckers down like the monsters they were.
It hurts suddenly, a sharp pain in the base of his skull. It hurts and he misses CT so much. CT, Chica, all of them. Even Rodriguez, who was a bastard even before he started getting mean. He wants them back, wants them at his back, everything how it used to be. Except they're gone, they're dead, Freelancer did that.
Freelancer did that.]
You never betray your team. Never.
[His mouth tastes sour, like gunmetal. Ephemera swallows hard. Tries to be quieter, to talk like a fucking rational adult.]
Never. They're everything...
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Yeah, well, it sounds like Connie didn't even give Wash a chance to actually pick sides to me. So much for not betraying your team.
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[Never betray your team, never let command corner any of them. Cover for them, fight for them, kill for them if you have to. But never betray your team. Never leave anyone behind.
Ephemera shivers. He doesn't feel so good. This was a mistake, talking about this shit, thinking that Kyna would understand. She's not a soldier, she's not part of his squad. He misstepped. Can't do that, no sir, can't do that.]
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