[Talking is definitely helping; it's exhausting and he feels drained, but the other side of that is that he isn't as tense or hyperfocused, at least for the moment. It's definitely an improvement.
It's enough of one that he actually offers a weak attempt at a laugh at her first comment, and a tired but still quietly sassy remark.]
What? People here are assholes?
[That's crazytalk. But he's silent another few seconds at the rest of what she said, finally pulling back to face her and giving a small nod.]
Yeah. I'll... I'll work on it, and you have permission to call me out if I'm not, although I don't think you really needed permission in the first place.
[It's as much of a promise as he can really make, but he means it.]
[Kyna smiles back, a little hesitantly, then reaches out to snag one of the bags from the side table. She opens the bag and hands it to him--the barbecue ones, which is clearly a gesture of great affection.]
[For multiple reasons; as terrible as this place is at lot of the time, there are good points to it, and more than that... He's alive here, and that means he can have hope.]
And... Thank you, for being here yourself, and for listening.
[It's hard to say how much he appreciates not only that she was willing to do so, but that she made it possible to trust her enough to talk in the first place.]
[It's difficult to say yes, since he feels like he hasn't really done a lot for her, but he knows he may not be the best judge of that at the moment. So instead he gives a small nod and another weak smile.]
Yeah, and if you ever need to talk in the future...
[He wants to help, especially after this. He's pretty much disqualified himself from giving any sort of professional advice at this point, but he can still help as a friend.
And that said, he actually takes a bite of one of the chips, and wow. Not just food, but food with flavor; how he missed you.]
[He means it, but he definitely wouldn't want her not to talk to him if it weren't the case just because he's dealing with things. That's the same reason--one of them, anyway--he's been avoiding talking to anyone himself, after all.]
Have things settled a little more with Washington?
[He won't press further than that both out of respect and because he's too drained to do so, but he still wants to make it clear that if she wants to talk she should go ahead.]
[She shrugs, busying herself with digging out another handful of chips.]
I offered, but... [What Wash's answer was is probably obvious.] Besides, it's not like... you know. If I didn't even remember anything... It's not like it matters.
[She's super chill and none of this bothers her, obviously!]
[Ah. Yeah, that's... A complicated situation, and at least the one good thing about his own is that he doesn't have to worry about this sort of thing. He's still worried about looking for other options, but that's a different issue.]
I wonder if the effect on our memories is caused by the Door in general, as a part of the random process; if we were able to choose when and where we go, would we still lose our memories?
[An answer to that would clear up a lot of things; his own increasingly far-fetched chance at evading his fate depends on being able to remember his time here, too.]
[Kyna shifts uncomfortable, pressing herself against the back of the couch.]
There are ways to wipe memories with magic, and ways to fix it or protect yourself from it, but... I don't know how the Door works. I don't know if it is magic.
[He's quiet for a few seconds, considering that and what they do know about how things work, including that people can leave and return and their memories seem dependent on location. But it isn't totally consistent; some people come back with no memory of being here before, after all.]
There are also... Not exactly 'normal', but known ways of losing and regaining memories for various reasons that are physiological, psychological, or both. For instance, repressed memories can often be regained through a specific trigger; if that's the cause, the Door might repress one's memories but a return to Hadriel could prompt the memories to return also.
[The subject is of course a complicated one, but worth considering.]
[So maybe the shock of returning home causes it, or maybe going through the Door itself is traumatizing and just takes the memory of this place with it. No one remembers coming through it to get here, after all.]
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[She's getting a little heated now, but the squeeze he gives her is reassuring. Maybe talking really is helping.]
Just think about yourself more. Please?
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It's enough of one that he actually offers a weak attempt at a laugh at her first comment, and a tired but still quietly sassy remark.]
What? People here are assholes?
[That's crazytalk. But he's silent another few seconds at the rest of what she said, finally pulling back to face her and giving a small nod.]
Yeah. I'll... I'll work on it, and you have permission to call me out if I'm not, although I don't think you really needed permission in the first place.
[It's as much of a promise as he can really make, but he means it.]
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[Realistically, she would have called him out anyway. Kyna nudges her knee against his.]
Are you feeling a little better?
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A little, yeah. Enough that I think I want to eat these chips.
[Which is kind of a miracle in itself since his appetite's been so back and forth, but he's not going to question it. Besides, chips are awesome.]
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Here.
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Thank you, but I'll leave most of these to you.
[He's good with the cheese ones.]
Do you want something to drink? I mean, between the aforementioned water and tea options.
[Though a drink drink sounds really good right now.]
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[More barbecue for her, but she doesn't dig in just yet.]
Hey, Lance? I'm glad you're here.
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I'm glad I'm here too.
[For multiple reasons; as terrible as this place is at lot of the time, there are good points to it, and more than that... He's alive here, and that means he can have hope.]
And... Thank you, for being here yourself, and for listening.
[It's hard to say how much he appreciates not only that she was willing to do so, but that she made it possible to trust her enough to talk in the first place.]
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You always listen to me when I need you, right?
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Yeah, and if you ever need to talk in the future...
[He wants to help, especially after this. He's pretty much disqualified himself from giving any sort of professional advice at this point, but he can still help as a friend.
And that said, he actually takes a bite of one of the chips, and wow. Not just food, but food with flavor; how he missed you.]
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[For now, anyway, and she doesn't want him to start worrying about her when he's got enough crap on his plate.]
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[He means it, but he definitely wouldn't want her not to talk to him if it weren't the case just because he's dealing with things. That's the same reason--one of them, anyway--he's been avoiding talking to anyone himself, after all.]
Have things settled a little more with Washington?
[As far as the whole year apart thing goes.]
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[She thinks? It feels complicated, somehow.]
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[He won't press further than that both out of respect and because he's too drained to do so, but he still wants to make it clear that if she wants to talk she should go ahead.]
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It's not like there's anything wrong, it's just... you know. If we ever go home... When we go home.
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People here have talked about the idea of going to other worlds, if given the choice.
[He says it neutrally, but the implied question of whether either of them has put any thought into that is probably clear.]
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[She shrugs, busying herself with digging out another handful of chips.]
I offered, but... [What Wash's answer was is probably obvious.] Besides, it's not like... you know. If I didn't even remember anything... It's not like it matters.
[She's super chill and none of this bothers her, obviously!]
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I wonder if the effect on our memories is caused by the Door in general, as a part of the random process; if we were able to choose when and where we go, would we still lose our memories?
[An answer to that would clear up a lot of things; his own increasingly far-fetched chance at evading his fate depends on being able to remember his time here, too.]
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[Kyna shifts uncomfortable, pressing herself against the back of the couch.]
There are ways to wipe memories with magic, and ways to fix it or protect yourself from it, but... I don't know how the Door works. I don't know if it is magic.
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There are also... Not exactly 'normal', but known ways of losing and regaining memories for various reasons that are physiological, psychological, or both. For instance, repressed memories can often be regained through a specific trigger; if that's the cause, the Door might repress one's memories but a return to Hadriel could prompt the memories to return also.
[The subject is of course a complicated one, but worth considering.]
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[So maybe the shock of returning home causes it, or maybe going through the Door itself is traumatizing and just takes the memory of this place with it. No one remembers coming through it to get here, after all.]
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[She's still leaning towards the magic theory.]
Maybe we can figure out a way to keep our memories or something.
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[Whatever the cause ends up being.]
Although Sorrow seemed to be the only god with any real knowledge about the Door.
[So asking about it might be a problem.]
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God, this sucks.
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