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[evocation]

This is Kyna. You should just text me if you actually want me to answer.

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[evocation]

Jesus. Listen. How do I know you're not gonna try something again? Or get pissed off that I'm hanging around with Wash or something?

[requiemshark]

[Ephemera gives her a faint smile.]

It's simple. I fuck with you, he kills Drake.

[evocation]

[Kyna's mouth twists. She wants to tell him that Wash wouldn't, out of an instinctive attempt to defend him, but... Wash said he needs Ephemera to think he'd hurt Drake, so she doesn't.]

Drake said you're... trying to change or something. Not being a dick just because someone's threatening you isn't changing.

[requiemshark]

We don't always get what we want.

[And it's not like she'd believe him, anyway. Ephemera wouldn't, if their situations were reversed.]

I won't let him get hurt. You can believe that.

[evocation]

What do you mean, "we don't always get what we want"?

[requiemshark]

Crazy people don't change, right?

[He shrugs. The threat against Drake is real, whatever else she thinks of him. It should be enough.]

[evocation]

[Kyna crosses her arms.]

Yeah, so why are you so crazy?

[It sounds a little bad-tempered, but it's also an honest question.]

cw for suicidal ideation

[requiemshark]

I don't know.

[Probably because he's the last one standing. Ephemera watches her curiously. Then:]

Because I didn't die with them.

[evocation]

You wanted to die with them?

[She's actually trying to wrap her head around this.]

[requiemshark]

Of course.

[He thought it was obvious.]

They were everything.

[evocation]

[She just stares at him, studying him, trying to puzzle him out. She's failing.]

You didn't have anyone else? Family?

[His sister died. She knows that.]

[requiemshark]

I never had anyone else.

[Ephemera meets her eyes.]

They were my family. We weren't blood, but we were everything else.

[evocation]

[Kyna doesn't know what to say. She's visibly uncomfortable now, and clearly floundering.]

...I'm sorry.

[That seems like the only thing to say.]

[requiemshark]

[Ephemera watches her for a moment.]

Yeah. So am I.

[evocation]

[Kyna still doesn't like him at all, but she feels for him, and she doesn't want to. It's so much easier to be angry. She frowns, reaching up to fiddle with the pendant of her necklace.]

It's still not an excuse to be a violent asshole.

[requiemshark]

No, it's not.

[He fucked up and that's on him.]

I look at him, and I see them. But that's not on you. That's my shit to deal with.

[evocation]

[She doesn't know what to do with that, either.]

He's not a monster, you know.

[requiemshark]

[Breathe, Ephemera reminds himself. Lets it go.]

He killed my family and he forgot about them! Like they were nothing.

[His voice rises before he remembers, and shivers. No. Breathe. Remember what you're doing.]

Look at me. Look at me! Tell me you'd let it go, if it was your family.

[evocation]

[She wouldn't, and she knows she wouldn't. If someone did that to her, she'd probably want to kill them, too, but she doesn't want to think about that.]

He didn't forget about them. What are you talking about?

[requiemshark]

[Breathe. Don't lose your temper. Breathe and remember why you're here. An apology is one thing. Don't fuck it up.

Ephemera twitches. Waits until he's sure he won't yell before speaking again.]

I waited years for a shot at them.

[He shivers hard. Don't yell.]

They had the fucking nerve to act surprised when I found them. I made them remember. Washington and that bitch Carolina. I made them fucking remember.

[evocation]

[Treat him like a person, Drake said. Kyna grits her teeth and ignores that itch in her fingers, the knowledge that it would be so easy to shut him up with another spell. She doesn't.]

From what I heard, Carolina didn't want to fight you.

[requiemshark]

She wanted to walk away!

[Like it was nothing. Ephemera feels himself shaking and tries to breathe. Counts to five. Breathe, soldier. Stay in the moment.]

No. No. Do you know what they did to my sisters? Chica drowned. Daisy was so fucked up, they couldn't tell which pieces--

[Stop. Stay in the moment. Don't get lost in the memory. Ephemera takes a shuddering breath.]

Don't give me that shit.

[evocation]

[She tries to ignore that and shove it aside, tries not to think about all the times she worried about Nico not coming home.]

So what do you want him to do?

[requiemshark]

[That stops him. Ephemera stares at Kyna. He wants to scream at her or fight, not get tangled up with words. He wants his family back and not to dream about them dying.]

I want him to die. But we don't always get what we want, now do we?

[evocation]

Yeah, we don't. Too bad, huh?