[She's getting way more into this than he thought she would- the topic is now completely derailed and he pulls back a bit so he can explain more readily.]
Morgan was changed traumatically from a bite in his teens. His brain had already developed to the point where the secondary consciousness was seen as an addition to his own. In my case, the military altered me at my birth. I grew with and alongside it, as- well, not quite as one, but close enough that my mental development was heavily impacted.
[It's not that complicated! It's kind of that complicated.]
Anyway, my handler isn't here- he didn't arrive in Hadriel with me. I've been reporting to miss Maketh as something of a stand-in, but it's not quite the same.
A handler and a wolf function as a unit together, [he explains calmly. How are they such close friend without her knowing all of this?] We share a rank. My handler controls my schedule, training, missions, and has complete authority. I need one because...
[Rome frowns a little.]
-well, I just explained it. I'm not as intelligent and I can't be trusted to make the right call in the heat of the moment. I don't have the morality or emotional grasp to make decisions that could affect the lives of others, and if I lost control, I would be a liability. My handler utilizes me as he sees fit, and I focus solely on completing the tasks laid out for me. It's what they intended when they altered me- when they injected me with the lycanthropy virus at birth.
I'm not saying you have to tell me or anything, I'm just saying... I don't know. You're in a totally different world, and I know it sucks here, but you don't have to do what you did back home if you don't want to.
I like... [He's searching for a way to say it, but it's difficult when he's never had to put anything like this into words before.] ...I'd like to trust someone. With- myself.
[A weird way to put it, maybe, but he doesn't have the language for what he wants. Rome has never had much of a personhood- being given the opportunity to explore that feels intimate somehow. Or maybe he's just conflating the two because they're both so foreign to him; either way, it's something that he thinks he could want.]
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[God! She pokes at his side.]
Are you serious? That sounds like bullshit to me.
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[He frowns, but doesn't move to stop her poking. Kyna, that's rude.]
I'm essentially part canine. It comes with certain limitations-my handler would be able to explain this better than I can.
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[She has about eight thousand questions, but he's getting off with three at once for now.]
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[She's getting way more into this than he thought she would- the topic is now completely derailed and he pulls back a bit so he can explain more readily.]
Morgan was changed traumatically from a bite in his teens. His brain had already developed to the point where the secondary consciousness was seen as an addition to his own. In my case, the military altered me at my birth. I grew with and alongside it, as- well, not quite as one, but close enough that my mental development was heavily impacted.
[It's not that complicated! It's kind of that complicated.]
Anyway, my handler isn't here- he didn't arrive in Hadriel with me. I've been reporting to miss Maketh as something of a stand-in, but it's not quite the same.
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What does your handler even do? Why do you need one? And what do you mean, they altered you?
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[Rome frowns a little.]
-well, I just explained it. I'm not as intelligent and I can't be trusted to make the right call in the heat of the moment. I don't have the morality or emotional grasp to make decisions that could affect the lives of others, and if I lost control, I would be a liability. My handler utilizes me as he sees fit, and I focus solely on completing the tasks laid out for me. It's what they intended when they altered me- when they injected me with the lycanthropy virus at birth.
[To answer her third question.]
All military wolves are wards of the state.
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[She's getting a little heated again.]
I bet that's all crap they told you, isn't it? About not having morality or intelligence or whatever. How do you even know that's true?
[Her instinct is to say it's not, not that she knows enough about the situation to prove it.]
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[Well, this conversation took a turn for the unpleasant rather quickly.]
I'm not upset about it. It's just reality.
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[Simple, and honest.]
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[Bruh, you're being kinda pushy here.]
I'm comfortable like this. I'd have to think about it.
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[He doesn't know what he wants, is the thing. Nobody has ever asked him before.]
I shouldn't have brought this up. I'm sorry.
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[She reaches for one of his hands again, much more gently this time.]
Sorry. I wasn't trying to like... Be an asshole about it. You're one of my best friends, you know? [Obviously.] I just want you to be happy.
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[He says in his usual flat, blunt manner.]
I'm not sure if that's happiness, but- contentment, maybe. [Yes, that sounds about right. He nods.] I'm content.
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You're such a nerd. You'd better like hanging out with me.
[Her tone is obviously fond.]
How'd you feel when Morgan kissed you? Was it... You know, nice?
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It was... over quickly. I don't know if I had time to feel anything.
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[I'm sorry Kyna, he's hopeless.]
I like... [He's searching for a way to say it, but it's difficult when he's never had to put anything like this into words before.] ...I'd like to trust someone. With- myself.
[A weird way to put it, maybe, but he doesn't have the language for what he wants. Rome has never had much of a personhood- being given the opportunity to explore that feels intimate somehow. Or maybe he's just conflating the two because they're both so foreign to him; either way, it's something that he thinks he could want.]
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I mean... It doesn't have to be with Morgan just because he's the first person to kiss you, you know? But maybe you should talk to him.
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[Honest, even if it kinda sucks.]
But I'll think about it. Thank you.
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[He nods.]
He's too lazy to find his own house.
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