⚡ hadriel - ic inbox

[evocation]

This is Kyna. You should just text me if you actually want me to answer.

Comments

[lifetothefullest]

[He's quiet while she talks, watching her and paying attention to her tone as much as he is listening to the actual words. All combined, a lot is said, and it takes him a few moments to think of the appropriate thing to say.]

Is your magic something that you consider part of yourself and your identity?

[That's the impression he gets, but he wants to see if that's right. If so, that very clearly explains why this is so difficult for her, and it gives a better idea of how to help besides reassurances that surely sound empty, at this point.]

[evocation]

[She looks up at him again, mouth twisting. That's certainly a very direct way of asking.]

Um... Yeah. I mean, how is it not?

[lifetothefullest]

[He's very direct when he gets into psychologist mode, which is sometimes good and sometimes not.]

That's understandable, but a skill or ability doesn't define you as a person.

[But that said--]

However I'm very aware that's easy to say, or to logically know, than to convince yourself of emotionally.

[evocation]

[Oh, god, he's definitely psychoanalyzing her.]

So what am I supposed to do? Make myself not care?

[lifetothefullest]

[He can't always help it okay let him do his thing.]

That's probably not going to help, even if it is possible.

[Making yourself not care about something is... Not exactly the easiest thing in the world, after all.]

But focusing on what you can do, and the parts of you that don't rely on your magic, is probably going to be better for you. It might--with reason--feel like you've lost everything, but there's more to you than that.

[evocation]

You're totally playing shrink with me right now.

[She's not technically complaining, but she does bump her shoulder into his again. He's just trying to help, even if it feels a little strange for her.]

I just don't know what to do with myself, I guess.

[lifetothefullest]

I... Might be a little, but when you're a psychologist the line between friendly advice and 'playing shrink' is kind of difficult to find sometimes.

[He bumps her shoulder in return, this time.]

Is there anything you've wanted to learn but never got around to it?

[evocation]

I don't know. I haven't really thought about it.

[She smiles a little.]

Should I go on an Eat Pray Love tour, doc?

[lifetothefullest]

I only vaguely have any idea what you're talking about.

[he gives her a small smile in return.]

But if it involves just trying a bunch of things to see if any of it's fun, it's not like there's anything better to be doing right now.

[evocation]

Yeah, yeah. I get it. Any suggestions?

[lifetothefullest]

[...That's a harder question.]

I'd offer again to teach you to shoot, but my bullet supply is a little low so that'll have to wait until I can fix that. Um... There's the clinic rebuilding? And Ikaruga teaches swordfighting.

[But if she wants less physical pursuits--]

You can take pictures on the phones, so photography? Or writing. Maybe music, if anyone has public-access instruments; the only ones I know of are in the Speakeasy and Rosen's apartment, so...

[He's avoiding the Speakeasy entirely, and still pissed at Rosen, so those aren't exactly options either. This place sucks.]

[evocation]

Wait, are you offering to teach me to play?

[lifetothefullest]

If it's a piano, sure.

[Or if she doesn't mind learning only Wonderwall on a guitar.]

Although like I said, access to one's a little easier said than done.

[evocation]

[She considers that for a moment.]

I'll try. As long as you promise not to make fun of me.

[Because she's never touched an instrument in her life.]

[lifetothefullest]

I wouldn't make fun of you.

[But he's quiet a moment after he says it, gaze briefly distant; he means what he says, but he's remembering the last time he said the same words that Kyna did and why. It was a similar situation, actually, and one that ties in a little with what they were talking about with her magic and learning new skills to begin with, and so after a moment he decides to actually tell her about it.]

I, um... I asked Dr. Brennan kind of the same thing, a few months ago, also about music. She wanted me to teach her the lyrics to a song I'd played on piano, since we both sing, but during the fight before I arrived here there was... A lot of damage to my voice.

[He makes a vague gesture at his throat, gaze shifted off to the side; the whole thing is still a little emotionally difficult to discuss.]

It's not the same thing as what you're dealing with, especially since I didn't go into music as a career or anything, but it was still... It still felt like I'd lost something that was really a part of me. But learning new skills and focusing on other things helped a lot, and then eventually I was able to be fully healed anyway.

[Which is still, hopefully, what will happen to her. But the point is he gets it as much as he can, and the advice he's trying to give is from experience, not just theory.]

So... Yeah. I won't make fun of you.

[evocation]

Oh.

[She's not quite sure how to respond to that, so she's quiet for a moment, sneaking a glance at him.]

I'm sorry. That sucks.

[Which doesn't really feel adequate.]

I'm glad you got better. And, um... Thanks. For listening and everything. And for helping me.

[lifetothefullest]

[He doesn't quite manage to look at her again yet, but he initiates a gentle shoulder bump this time and manages a weak smile all the same.]

Thank you, and you're welcome. Just... Things improved, even if they didn't feel like they would at the time, so don't give up hope.

[And that said, this time he looks over at her again.]

But in the meantime, it's okay if it all kind of sucks. I think music might be a good distraction, though; I think you might pick it up pretty quickly. Playing piano and using magic feel kind of similar, for me.

[And in fact, last time he'd played piano he'd combined the two; because he feels the flow of magic similarly to how he feels music, it had been surprisingly easy to make the keys light up when he touched them while playing.]

[evocation]

They do? How?

[That's actually... pretty fascinating. Harlan has never mentioned anything like that, but then, magic is a little different for everyone.]

[lifetothefullest]

It's kind of hard to explain.

[But he'll make an attempt anyway, eyebrows furrowing in thought.]

When I use magic just on its own, it kind of feels like an adrenaline rush, but in a good way. But it has a distinct... Path, I guess, to how it flows? And you've probably seen how pianists do that whole swaying thing, because you just kind of get into it, and it's like the music is moving through you when you play. The two things feel like they follow the same sort of path, or something like that.

[And there's a short pause.]

That probably made like, no sense.

[evocation]

No, it makes sense. Harlan said his magic is kind of like... a power surge. Like almost blowing a fuse. Mine has always felt like I'm guiding it through a circuit or something. The adrenaline rush is there, but it's... controlled, you know? Unless I'm casting without a Focus.

[And now she can't feel anything at all, but she doesn't want to talk about that.]

[lifetothefullest]

[He nods at that, thinking it over.]

Have you ever played an instrument before?

[He's wondering if this will be something completely new to her or not.]

[evocation]

Nope. You've got your work cut out for you.

[Godspeed, Lance.]

[lifetothefullest]

Piano isn't especially difficult, it just takes a lot of practice; you'll pick up some simple songs really quickly.

[There's a reason piano's so popular with kids, after all.]

[evocation]

Okay.

[She's willing to try, anyway.]

And, um... When my magic comes back, I promise I'll start teaching you again.

[At least it's a "when" and not an "if" now, right?]

[lifetothefullest]

Don't feel obligated to, but... Okay, yeah.

[He's definitely like to keep learning, and yes, it's definitely a when and he's glad to hear that.]