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[Kyna sighs, drumming her fingers on the back of the couch.]
I'm not like... following all the conversations you have, so I don't know what to say. A lot of people here are just kind of assholes when they disagree or they're fed up. Even people we like. It's not like we're always chill either.
[How many times has Kyna taken something personally on the network and lashed out? How many times has Lance been impatient or condescending? Almost everyone here can be an asshole in one way or another. It seems like more of a "strong personalities under stress" issue to her than a "people don't like Lance" issue.]
So I don't know. I guess either you look at it and figure out if there's a way you're talking about stuff that upsets people, or you look at it and decide people don't like you or whatever. I don't know what the... you know, correct choice is. But if you think you're upsetting people, then you change it. And if some people just don't like you, I don't get why that means you have to stop working towards whatever you want to work towards. Clarke was telling you she wanted to hear what you wanted to do instead. Isn't that all you need?
I'm not like... following all the conversations you have, so I don't know what to say. A lot of people here are just kind of assholes when they disagree or they're fed up. Even people we like. It's not like we're always chill either.
[How many times has Kyna taken something personally on the network and lashed out? How many times has Lance been impatient or condescending? Almost everyone here can be an asshole in one way or another. It seems like more of a "strong personalities under stress" issue to her than a "people don't like Lance" issue.]
So I don't know. I guess either you look at it and figure out if there's a way you're talking about stuff that upsets people, or you look at it and decide people don't like you or whatever. I don't know what the... you know, correct choice is. But if you think you're upsetting people, then you change it. And if some people just don't like you, I don't get why that means you have to stop working towards whatever you want to work towards. Clarke was telling you she wanted to hear what you wanted to do instead. Isn't that all you need?
[He's silent at that for several seconds, gaze fixed somewhere between the wall and the floor again, and he's... Not sure what he expected, honestly. Not sure what he feels, either, but it's probably for the best that his emotional response is still so muted.
Finally, when he does speak up, it's almost unrelated at first but he does have a point.]
My girlfriend at home, Daisy, she um... She used to get really annoyed with me, and it took me awhile to figure out why, but it was because whenever she'd come to me with something I'd try and tell her how to fix it.
[He misses Daisy so much, but like with so many other people, it's buried so deep that if he doesn't think about it too much then he won't feel it.]
I thought that was how I could help, and in a way it was, but she didn't actually want help; if she did, she'd ask me for advice, or what to do. What she really wanted was just to know that she had a right to feel how she did.
[And that's what he wants, too. He knows how to solve this problem, he just wants to know that he isn't crazy to feel upset.]
Finally, when he does speak up, it's almost unrelated at first but he does have a point.]
My girlfriend at home, Daisy, she um... She used to get really annoyed with me, and it took me awhile to figure out why, but it was because whenever she'd come to me with something I'd try and tell her how to fix it.
[He misses Daisy so much, but like with so many other people, it's buried so deep that if he doesn't think about it too much then he won't feel it.]
I thought that was how I could help, and in a way it was, but she didn't actually want help; if she did, she'd ask me for advice, or what to do. What she really wanted was just to know that she had a right to feel how she did.
[And that's what he wants, too. He knows how to solve this problem, he just wants to know that he isn't crazy to feel upset.]
[ man, the way his eyes light up at the drinks. ]
You [ he wags a finger at her. ] totally nailed it. I love the fruity ones. They're so good. [ don't mind if he pulls one towards him for a taste. ]
Mmm... [ he taps his fingers on the tabletop. ] Twenty two years.
You [ he wags a finger at her. ] totally nailed it. I love the fruity ones. They're so good. [ don't mind if he pulls one towards him for a taste. ]
Mmm... [ he taps his fingers on the tabletop. ] Twenty two years.
[Oh. Kyna exhales, shifting again.]
Of course you're allowed to be upset. I'm just... I guess I'm just worried, you know? That you're...
[She trails off awkwardly, not entirely sure how to explain herself.]
You keep talking about how we're all traumatized, and how we need to be... gentler with each other and everything, right? But I'm worried you're not following your own advice. Being gentle with yourself, I mean. You're spending all this time trying to help everyone all at once, and throwing yourself into the stuff at Red Wings and on the network, and... I don't know. I think you're burning out.
[Is she making sense? She doesn't know if she's making sense. She bites her lip for a second, tries to reexplain.]
I guess what I'm trying to say is... Anyone would be upset after all the shit we've been through. And anyone would be upset if they were dealing with that on top of all the network crap. I just think... I just wish you'd give yourself time to breathe and be upset. You know?
Of course you're allowed to be upset. I'm just... I guess I'm just worried, you know? That you're...
[She trails off awkwardly, not entirely sure how to explain herself.]
You keep talking about how we're all traumatized, and how we need to be... gentler with each other and everything, right? But I'm worried you're not following your own advice. Being gentle with yourself, I mean. You're spending all this time trying to help everyone all at once, and throwing yourself into the stuff at Red Wings and on the network, and... I don't know. I think you're burning out.
[Is she making sense? She doesn't know if she's making sense. She bites her lip for a second, tries to reexplain.]
I guess what I'm trying to say is... Anyone would be upset after all the shit we've been through. And anyone would be upset if they were dealing with that on top of all the network crap. I just think... I just wish you'd give yourself time to breathe and be upset. You know?
[He's quiet while she talks, still not looking at her, but just a little bit of tension fades. Her point gets across clear enough even without her additional explanation, and he can't really argue; it's not like she's wrong.
But that's part of the problem in itself. He's so past stressed and upset that he isn't feeling anything in the way he should be, and when something adds to it, it just makes it even worse. He can't deal with any one part of what's happened and what's still happening, let alone all of it, and he's afraid that if he starts on even one thing he won't be able to stop it.
And that's really where his hesitance--beyond even just his normal desire to keep things to himself--comes in, and he tries to put at least that into words.]
I can't just step back and do nothing while people need help. I can't... I can't be aware of a problem that's happening right now and then choose not to do something about it, but there's just too much to do, and every time I try to accomplish even one thing, something always goes wrong.
[It's so exhausting and discouraging, because he just wants to help people, and not only can he not manage that but it seems to be so often that his intentions are taken to be something they aren't. And then, to add to it all--]
And if I bring something up, because I'm not able to do it alone, the first question I'm asked is why I haven't done anything to fix it myself.
But that's part of the problem in itself. He's so past stressed and upset that he isn't feeling anything in the way he should be, and when something adds to it, it just makes it even worse. He can't deal with any one part of what's happened and what's still happening, let alone all of it, and he's afraid that if he starts on even one thing he won't be able to stop it.
And that's really where his hesitance--beyond even just his normal desire to keep things to himself--comes in, and he tries to put at least that into words.]
I can't just step back and do nothing while people need help. I can't... I can't be aware of a problem that's happening right now and then choose not to do something about it, but there's just too much to do, and every time I try to accomplish even one thing, something always goes wrong.
[It's so exhausting and discouraging, because he just wants to help people, and not only can he not manage that but it seems to be so often that his intentions are taken to be something they aren't. And then, to add to it all--]
And if I bring something up, because I'm not able to do it alone, the first question I'm asked is why I haven't done anything to fix it myself.
[She gets that, she does, but she wonders how much he's getting caught up in the fact that he feels that the safehouse is an injustice, and it needs to be fixed immediately, coupled with the fact that he has such a deep need to help.]
Have you... um. I mean, have you told people you need help with it? Or are you afraid of... You know, overwhelming people or putting them on the spot or something?
Have you... um. I mean, have you told people you need help with it? Or are you afraid of... You know, overwhelming people or putting them on the spot or something?
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