[ when he had seen Lance for the first time after everything had happened, he asked if he remembered it too. if it was something more than just a dream, because reality seemed hard to grasp at the moment.
[ he'll admit that, he didn't. the whole topic is really touchy, and getting into it is ... messy. especially since they didn't run in the same circle. ]
[ there's a little motion that he makes inside—it might be better to sit as they talk about this. it feels as if the intensity of a situation has washed over him, and now it feels as if he's been wrung out like a rag. ]
It makes sense, but I'm not sure it's a good thing. I've dealt with gods before.
[ he has to wonder if that's a god or not, or how much it actually matters. are they splitting hairs? it's a being powerful enough to control them, and that's enough for him to be wary. ]
I think we have to focus on our powers. Maybe we can figure out more about the gods that way. And maybe we can keep ourselves from being jerked around so much.
[ being used in by Maruki, and then being used by people in this world, it didn't sit right with him. he'd done what he could to be the proprietor of his own destiny, but it still felt like he was fighting to wrangle control back for himself. ]
We have to focus on what's unique to us, not how the ones who want to use us control the game.
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How much after that do you remember?
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I think I died in the Volary.
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Do you... you know. Remember it?
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he needed to center himself. ]
Yeah. I'm not sure if I'm ready to talk about it.
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[She gets it. She hasn't really talked about her death in detail, either.]
What did you want to talk about?
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[ he'll admit that, he didn't. the whole topic is really touchy, and getting into it is ... messy. especially since they didn't run in the same circle. ]
But I don't think we should keep it to ourselves.
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[She's been trying to get better at that lately. The problem is, she doesn't know where to start.]
How much of it do you think... counts?
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[ as much as it feels ... odd to say that, he doesn't want to discount the experiences from another world. ]
Especially if there really are gods.
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It makes sense, but I'm not sure it's a good thing. I've dealt with gods before.
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Yeah. I remember you telling me about that.
[It's gentle encouragement to continue, if he wants to.]
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Do you have gods in your world?
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[She says it automatically, then wrinkles her nose.]
Well, I never thought so. I never saw any proof. Lots of spirits or monsters, things like that, but... Who fucking knows anymore. Maybe there are.
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What would be proof?
[ because if Yaldabaoth hadn't announced it, he's not sure he would've believed it. ]
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I have no idea. Being here has kind of turned my whole worldview on its head.
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[ loudly and with a certain amount of entitlement. ]
He was made from the public's distorted desires when they become strong enough to manifest. This doesn't sound the same.
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[ there's some curiosity there. ]
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I guess what matters is what we do now.
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We have to focus on what's unique to us, not how the ones who want to use us control the game.
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