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[evocation]

This is Kyna. You should just text me if you actually want me to answer.

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[evocation]

[That's... pretty bad.]

Are you sure you don't want to look?

[Because if he's just looking for someone to hang out with him and play distraction, she can do that, too.]

[lifetothefullest]

[He's often at freak out levels three through five at any given time, so although it does sound bad--and certainly isn't great--it's not necessarily as big a jump as it might seem.]

Part of me does, but I don't think there's a point. It's also potentially dangerous, with the heat.

[So he's trying to convince himself not to do it, and not putting Kyna at unnecessary risk helps with that. Besides, he genuinely knows that he's looked pretty much everywhere that wouldn't involve just choosing a direction and walking at random out of the city.

So he's quiet a few more seconds before suddenly remembering one of the main points of call her, and pulls her necklace out of the pocket of his hoodie.]

Here, while I'm thinking about it.

[evocation]

[Kyna takes the necklace, looping the chain around her fingers.]

Thanks.

[And then she sets the fox down and turns slightly to hug him. It's a little awkward from the side, but hey, it's the thought that counts, right?]

If something... you know, happens, she'll come back.

[lifetothefullest]

[The hug doesn't really surprise him this time and so he's less stiff about it, and awkward or not it's appreciated; so is the reassurance, even if he wants to believe that isn't the explanation of what's happened. Sandy, on the other hand, does not appreciate being put down, and gives a squeak of indignation before grabbing her dish towel and running off to chew on it some more.]

Thanks. I hope it doesn't come to that, but you're right.

[And that gives him good opportunity to ask--]

How have you been doing, with that?

[Specifically dying, and coming back without her magic. He can't imagine she's handling it as well as she's been seeming to, but it's always possible; still, if not, she should have a chance to talk about it.[

[evocation]

[Kyna sighs, giving him an extra squeeze before pulling away.]

Look, it's nice of you to check up on me and everything, but you just said you were freaking out. You don't have to worry about me, too.

[lifetothefullest]

That response is more worrying than actually telling me anything would be.

[He tries to offer a faint smile, and more or less manages; he means what he said, though. He's already worried, and being concerned there's something bothering Kyna that she doesn't want to talk about just for his sake will only make him more worried, not less.]

[evocation]

[It wasn't entirely an attempt to dodge the question. She's mostly making sure he's not trying to focus on her to avoid focusing on himself. He pushes a little, though, and she considers lying, but... It doesn't really seem worth it. Kyna shrugs, picking at the hem of her shorts.]

I'm not... awesome? I don't know.

[lifetothefullest]

[Deflecting attention is a nice side effect, but he's mostly just genuinely concerned about her. Besides, the best thing for him right now is just to not be alone and therefore easily able to return to the depressed moping he's been doing for the last few weeks.

So he's glad that she actually says something, even if it's not a lot. Sometimes that's the only description one can manage.]

Yeah, I think that's pretty fair. Is there anything in particular that you're feeling not awesome about the most?

[evocation]

[Her lips quirk up for just a second at the way he phrases that question.]

Uh.

[Where does she start?]

Everyone keeps telling me I can get my magic back when the gods feel better or whatever, you know? But all I'm doing is sitting around, and I can't...

[She hesitates, staring down at the floor. If she's honest with herself, this whole thing is humiliating, so it takes her a moment to force herself to keep going.]

You know that light spell I taught you? I learned how to do it when I was like, eight, and I can't even fucking manage that.

[lifetothefullest]

[He's quiet while she talks, watching her and paying attention to her tone as much as he is listening to the actual words. All combined, a lot is said, and it takes him a few moments to think of the appropriate thing to say.]

Is your magic something that you consider part of yourself and your identity?

[That's the impression he gets, but he wants to see if that's right. If so, that very clearly explains why this is so difficult for her, and it gives a better idea of how to help besides reassurances that surely sound empty, at this point.]

[evocation]

[She looks up at him again, mouth twisting. That's certainly a very direct way of asking.]

Um... Yeah. I mean, how is it not?

[lifetothefullest]

[He's very direct when he gets into psychologist mode, which is sometimes good and sometimes not.]

That's understandable, but a skill or ability doesn't define you as a person.

[But that said--]

However I'm very aware that's easy to say, or to logically know, than to convince yourself of emotionally.

[evocation]

[Oh, god, he's definitely psychoanalyzing her.]

So what am I supposed to do? Make myself not care?

[lifetothefullest]

[He can't always help it okay let him do his thing.]

That's probably not going to help, even if it is possible.

[Making yourself not care about something is... Not exactly the easiest thing in the world, after all.]

But focusing on what you can do, and the parts of you that don't rely on your magic, is probably going to be better for you. It might--with reason--feel like you've lost everything, but there's more to you than that.

[evocation]

You're totally playing shrink with me right now.

[She's not technically complaining, but she does bump her shoulder into his again. He's just trying to help, even if it feels a little strange for her.]

I just don't know what to do with myself, I guess.

[lifetothefullest]

I... Might be a little, but when you're a psychologist the line between friendly advice and 'playing shrink' is kind of difficult to find sometimes.

[He bumps her shoulder in return, this time.]

Is there anything you've wanted to learn but never got around to it?

[evocation]

I don't know. I haven't really thought about it.

[She smiles a little.]

Should I go on an Eat Pray Love tour, doc?

[lifetothefullest]

I only vaguely have any idea what you're talking about.

[he gives her a small smile in return.]

But if it involves just trying a bunch of things to see if any of it's fun, it's not like there's anything better to be doing right now.

[evocation]

Yeah, yeah. I get it. Any suggestions?

[lifetothefullest]

[...That's a harder question.]

I'd offer again to teach you to shoot, but my bullet supply is a little low so that'll have to wait until I can fix that. Um... There's the clinic rebuilding? And Ikaruga teaches swordfighting.

[But if she wants less physical pursuits--]

You can take pictures on the phones, so photography? Or writing. Maybe music, if anyone has public-access instruments; the only ones I know of are in the Speakeasy and Rosen's apartment, so...

[He's avoiding the Speakeasy entirely, and still pissed at Rosen, so those aren't exactly options either. This place sucks.]

[evocation]

Wait, are you offering to teach me to play?

[lifetothefullest]

If it's a piano, sure.

[Or if she doesn't mind learning only Wonderwall on a guitar.]

Although like I said, access to one's a little easier said than done.

[evocation]

[She considers that for a moment.]

I'll try. As long as you promise not to make fun of me.

[Because she's never touched an instrument in her life.]

[lifetothefullest]

I wouldn't make fun of you.

[But he's quiet a moment after he says it, gaze briefly distant; he means what he says, but he's remembering the last time he said the same words that Kyna did and why. It was a similar situation, actually, and one that ties in a little with what they were talking about with her magic and learning new skills to begin with, and so after a moment he decides to actually tell her about it.]

I, um... I asked Dr. Brennan kind of the same thing, a few months ago, also about music. She wanted me to teach her the lyrics to a song I'd played on piano, since we both sing, but during the fight before I arrived here there was... A lot of damage to my voice.

[He makes a vague gesture at his throat, gaze shifted off to the side; the whole thing is still a little emotionally difficult to discuss.]

It's not the same thing as what you're dealing with, especially since I didn't go into music as a career or anything, but it was still... It still felt like I'd lost something that was really a part of me. But learning new skills and focusing on other things helped a lot, and then eventually I was able to be fully healed anyway.

[Which is still, hopefully, what will happen to her. But the point is he gets it as much as he can, and the advice he's trying to give is from experience, not just theory.]

So... Yeah. I won't make fun of you.

[evocation]

Oh.

[She's not quite sure how to respond to that, so she's quiet for a moment, sneaking a glance at him.]

I'm sorry. That sucks.

[Which doesn't really feel adequate.]

I'm glad you got better. And, um... Thanks. For listening and everything. And for helping me.