[Well, there's no time like the present to come clean. Even like this, full of regret and guilt, Rome is blunt and straightforward. At least he doesn't beat around the bush.]
My handler, before she left... she allowed someone to murder someone else for it, when the Null initially made their proposal. She was suspended from the guard for her actions. I was ordered by miss Rey to glean the location of the weapon from her and turn it into the guard.
I didn't.
[There's a pause.]
What I mean is... I found out where it was, and I've kept it. Miss Maketh and the killer have both left the city, so now I'm the only one who knows about it.
[He doesn't really have a good answer to that question. He should have- he should have done it a hundred times over, but he never did. Maybe it was safer like this, where he wouldn't have used it and nobody else would have been tempted to. Maybe he just didn't want to damn Maketh more than she already had been. Maybe-]
...I was loyal to her.
She asked me to make a choice and I did. I'm still making that choice.
it means you like support and respect them. which means you'll protect them or stand up for them if they need it, but that you'll tell them they're being stupid when they're being stupid.
[That's... an interesting question. He mulls it over for a moment, before responding.]
Following someone. Through anything. Obedience, yes, but there's a limit to obedience. When you obey because it's your duty, it can fall short. When you obey because there's a bond- that's loyalty.
[There's a long pause. He knows that what Maketh did was immoral, just like he knows that what his superiors back home did was wrong. But it's not his place to judge- it never has been. When he's simply a tool to their will, then the responsibility for his actions are theirs. That's how it should be. That's why making any kind of ethical decision paralyzes him so completely, that's why he was never given a basic understanding of right or wrong. It's just obedience. Let the humans make the decisions. All that should matter are the orders.]
I think the situation is more complicated than that.
Her and I come from very similar places. We made similar choices in our lives. We understood each other- perhaps more than anyone else in this city.
Morgan... said it was bad for me, to be near her. I assume you think the same. I can't speak to what's good or bad, but the familiarity of command in the wake of all the change- it was comforting.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eyes emoji tbh
>>
I have a god killer.
I've had it for months.
Only I know where it is.
oh my goddddd
you what? what the fuck?
how did you get it?
laughs
I didn't.
[There's a pause.]
What I mean is... I found out where it was, and I've kept it. Miss Maketh and the killer have both left the city, so now I'm the only one who knows about it.
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jesus
why didn't you turn it in?
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[He doesn't really have a good answer to that question. He should have- he should have done it a hundred times over, but he never did. Maybe it was safer like this, where he wouldn't have used it and nobody else would have been tempted to. Maybe he just didn't want to damn Maketh more than she already had been. Maybe-]
...I was loyal to her.
She asked me to make a choice and I did. I'm still making that choice.
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just because you're loyal to someone doesn't mean you have to do everything they say.
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[God, this is hard to explain.]
it means you like
support and respect them.
which means you'll protect them or stand up for them if they need it, but that you'll tell them they're being stupid when they're being stupid.
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What you're saying sounds like friendship. You can be loyal to your friends, but I don't think it's the same thing.
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Following someone. Through anything. Obedience, yes, but there's a limit to obedience. When you obey because it's your duty, it can fall short. When you obey because there's a bond- that's loyalty.
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or someone gets hurt?
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It means you're a good soldier.
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plus you don't have to just be a soldier.
you know that, right?
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I was a soldier to Maketh.
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maybe you deserve way better than maketh
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Her and I come from very similar places. We made similar choices in our lives. We understood each other- perhaps more than anyone else in this city.
Morgan... said it was bad for me, to be near her. I assume you think the same. I can't speak to what's good or bad, but the familiarity of command in the wake of all the change- it was comforting.
I respected her a great deal. I still do.
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and the fact that she took advantage of that pisses me off.
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It was just familiar to both of us.
But I know I'm a poor judge. I have never had friends outside of the military. I often don't know what to do outside of a hierarchy.
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if i ask you to do something and you don't want to, you don't have to.
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