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[ it's easier to show her than try to explain it. the memory is pretty easy to bring up: it's the first time he awakened Arsene. both him and Ryuji had been running through a Palace, lost on the first day of the new semester. the man with the yellow eyes, speedo and flaunty cape was their gym teacher.
despite where they are, Ren doesn't seem to know what's going on. then a voice reaches out to him on a flutter of a butterfly wing.
This is truly an unjust game. Your chances of winning are almost none. But if my voice is reaching you, there may yet be a possibility open to you ...
then comes the rush. the churn of his stomach, the pounding in his head. it's hard to keep his eyesight straight, even when he glares at Kamoshida. there's a combination of adrenaline and anxiety that push down the fear, and a memory that he knows very well. reaching out to try and help someone, and being taken away by the police, thrown in the backseat of a police car.
Was your previous decision a mistake then?
no. it wasn't. it wasn't—and he repeats that in his brain when the searing pain comes, when Arsene awakens from his own former doubtful thoughts through the shake of shackles and a wicked grin of full, demonic teeth. there's a mask that sticks to his face, as if it's part of the flesh. desperately he pulls at it, and with it, the reservations of how he views himself to all others in a toxic society. liquid drips down his cheeks and he doesn't care. instead, the release comes with a rush of power. it feels good. ]
despite where they are, Ren doesn't seem to know what's going on. then a voice reaches out to him on a flutter of a butterfly wing.
This is truly an unjust game. Your chances of winning are almost none. But if my voice is reaching you, there may yet be a possibility open to you ...
then comes the rush. the churn of his stomach, the pounding in his head. it's hard to keep his eyesight straight, even when he glares at Kamoshida. there's a combination of adrenaline and anxiety that push down the fear, and a memory that he knows very well. reaching out to try and help someone, and being taken away by the police, thrown in the backseat of a police car.
Was your previous decision a mistake then?
no. it wasn't. it wasn't—and he repeats that in his brain when the searing pain comes, when Arsene awakens from his own former doubtful thoughts through the shake of shackles and a wicked grin of full, demonic teeth. there's a mask that sticks to his face, as if it's part of the flesh. desperately he pulls at it, and with it, the reservations of how he views himself to all others in a toxic society. liquid drips down his cheeks and he doesn't care. instead, the release comes with a rush of power. it feels good. ]
Edited 2020-10-31 18:22 (UTC)
It'd probably suck less if it weren't.
[ Sam watches her, trying to get a feel for just how bad she's talking here. Truthfully, he's not sure just how much he wants to hear about, but it's less for lack of interest--he's curious, of course he is--and more out of the vaguely formed concern that it'll be way too much and he'll...what, have to figure out what to say?
He's not terrible at that. He used to be okay at it, when it was just him and Nathan. Passable at least, right? Maybe it'll be fine. ]
C'mon, lay it on me.
[ Sam watches her, trying to get a feel for just how bad she's talking here. Truthfully, he's not sure just how much he wants to hear about, but it's less for lack of interest--he's curious, of course he is--and more out of the vaguely formed concern that it'll be way too much and he'll...what, have to figure out what to say?
He's not terrible at that. He used to be okay at it, when it was just him and Nathan. Passable at least, right? Maybe it'll be fine. ]
C'mon, lay it on me.
Okay.
[Does she sound hesitant? Probably. It's getting into stupid family bullshit, and she's only really told Ian this stuff so far. Lance knows bits and pieces, but that's because he knew a different version of her, and that's cheating. It's not the same as laying it out for someone.]
Um... I got my magic from my dad, right? He was obsessed with it. But he was also an asshole, and he ditched us when I was like, ten. We saw him a couple of times after that, and then he just disappeared.
[Does she sound hesitant? Probably. It's getting into stupid family bullshit, and she's only really told Ian this stuff so far. Lance knows bits and pieces, but that's because he knew a different version of her, and that's cheating. It's not the same as laying it out for someone.]
Um... I got my magic from my dad, right? He was obsessed with it. But he was also an asshole, and he ditched us when I was like, ten. We saw him a couple of times after that, and then he just disappeared.
Sounds familiar.
[ Dryly, taking a sip of whiskey after. And then, a little more tentative, in explanation: ]
Got dumped at an orphanage when I was nine. We, uh, weren't actually orphans.
[ Dryly, taking a sip of whiskey after. And then, a little more tentative, in explanation: ]
Got dumped at an orphanage when I was nine. We, uh, weren't actually orphans.
Eh. [ He waves a hand--the one with the whiskey in it, though he's practiced enough at doing so that it doesn't slosh--dismissively. ] Happened a long time ago. Don't worry about it. So, your dad left.
Uh... Yeah.
[She hesitates again, sitting up a little straighter.]
A lot of this is all tangled up in magic. You're not going to be weird about that, right?
[Because Fenris was the first person she trusted here, and he was always weird about it. It kind of stuck with her.]
[She hesitates again, sitting up a little straighter.]
A lot of this is all tangled up in magic. You're not going to be weird about that, right?
[Because Fenris was the first person she trusted here, and he was always weird about it. It kind of stuck with her.]
[ That's not a bad question, because magic's inherently weird. Of course he'll be weird about it--by her standards, anyway.
But, you know. For her sake, he'll try. ]
Tell me what I gotta know, and I'll...follow along.
But, you know. For her sake, he'll try. ]
Tell me what I gotta know, and I'll...follow along.
Okay. I guess... you just need to know that it's pretty common for us to make deals with things. Spirits or entities or whatever you want to call them. A lot of families have one that they've got like... a long-standing relationship with, you know?
[She wincing now, because this is the stuff that would have freaked Fenris out.]
Humans can't really do anything permanent on their own. So if you want to make a ward or cast something protective, you need help. And usually it isn't dangerous if you're not an idiot.
[She wincing now, because this is the stuff that would have freaked Fenris out.]
Humans can't really do anything permanent on their own. So if you want to make a ward or cast something protective, you need help. And usually it isn't dangerous if you're not an idiot.
And if you are, s'more like, uh. Doing a deal with the devil?
[ ...Okay, this is more of a strain to his Catholic upbringing than he might've expected. Sounds cool, also like a sin--which isn't a dealbreaker for Sam Drake, Sinful Adventurer, but which does make it a little harder to imagine as a purely neutral transaction. ]
So what was your family's...[ don't say devil again, don't say demon ]...entity?
[ ...Okay, this is more of a strain to his Catholic upbringing than he might've expected. Sounds cool, also like a sin--which isn't a dealbreaker for Sam Drake, Sinful Adventurer, but which does make it a little harder to imagine as a purely neutral transaction. ]
So what was your family's...[ don't say devil again, don't say demon ]...entity?
Yeah, like that. And ours is... I don't know. It looks different every time I see it. It's always some kind of animal, like a rabbit, or a dog, or whatever, but I can only ever see it out of the corner of my eye. It's pretty protective of us.
[She shrugs a bit, biting her lip.]
My dad's one of the idiots. He made a deal with something else, and it didn't go well.
[She shrugs a bit, biting her lip.]
My dad's one of the idiots. He made a deal with something else, and it didn't go well.
Huh.
[ It have a name? he wants to ask, but who knows what's gonna be weird to her? There's a little more caution in him than there might be if he were talking to someone else: less joking, a faintly concerned furrow to his brow. ]
So what happens when this stuff doesn't "go well"?
[ It have a name? he wants to ask, but who knows what's gonna be weird to her? There's a little more caution in him than there might be if he were talking to someone else: less joking, a faintly concerned furrow to his brow. ]
So what happens when this stuff doesn't "go well"?
It, uh... It was draining him. Killing him.
[She hesitates, because for the first time, she realizes that if she tells him the rest, he might look at her differently. Oddly enough, this is the easier part of the story to barrel through. Her father was practically a stranger. She's never thought what he did had anything to do with her, and Ian didn't either, but Ian's always been preternaturally chill. Maybe other people won't be.
So Kyna looks down, eyes locking on her drink. She wrestles with it for a long moment, weighs the option of just bailing.
Screw it.]
So he... Um. He started... feeding other people to it. And when I found out, my brother said to leave it, that the cops would deal with it, but I couldn't, you know?
[She hesitates, because for the first time, she realizes that if she tells him the rest, he might look at her differently. Oddly enough, this is the easier part of the story to barrel through. Her father was practically a stranger. She's never thought what he did had anything to do with her, and Ian didn't either, but Ian's always been preternaturally chill. Maybe other people won't be.
So Kyna looks down, eyes locking on her drink. She wrestles with it for a long moment, weighs the option of just bailing.
Screw it.]
So he... Um. He started... feeding other people to it. And when I found out, my brother said to leave it, that the cops would deal with it, but I couldn't, you know?
[ He can relate to this, and that precise understanding flits through the bond. One of the stories he hasn't told her, one of the things he hasn't been thinking about -- the last thing he remembers from home before coming here.
Advocating for JJ to come on his first supply run with them. Watching them detain and process him. The dread over what in the fuck he was gonna tell Nia.
Ultimately it was his word that convinced her, and his fault Jamill got caught.
The situation's different but he's betting the feeling is the same.
He probes gently. ]
What happened?
Advocating for JJ to come on his first supply run with them. Watching them detain and process him. The dread over what in the fuck he was gonna tell Nia.
Ultimately it was his word that convinced her, and his fault Jamill got caught.
The situation's different but he's betting the feeling is the same.
He probes gently. ]
What happened?
[ He actually laughs, reading that. Sadly, he also knows this feeling as well. ]
it's not weird. just don't get too lost in it.
it's not weird. just don't get too lost in it.
I tried talking to my dad first, 'cause I'm an idiot. But he was like... really far gone, you know? He wasn't totally in control and neither was the thing possessing him, so he was just... unstable. And he attacked me, and Sam tried to protect me.
[There's that guilt bubbling up again, and she presses closer, suddenly not looking forward to going into detail.]
[There's that guilt bubbling up again, and she presses closer, suddenly not looking forward to going into detail.]
a lot of the displaced people tend to treat this place as a vacation, which makes sense. to some extent it is for them. like a chance to play house or fight in a rebellion or stick it to the man. live a fantasy, knock some things off the bucket list.
for others, it's not. it might be the only thing that's left for them, and they'll be the ones living with the fallout or the consequences of the actions made by the people who get to eventually go home.
i'm not telling you this because i think you'll do things like that, just don't forget what you were doing before you came back here. that you've still got something.
for others, it's not. it might be the only thing that's left for them, and they'll be the ones living with the fallout or the consequences of the actions made by the people who get to eventually go home.
i'm not telling you this because i think you'll do things like that, just don't forget what you were doing before you came back here. that you've still got something.
i'm not, and i wouldn't
i want to make this place better, not treat it like a bucket list
[He gave that little disclaimer there, but she wants to make it clear. Ian is her best friend here, maybe one of the best friends she's ever had, and she's always vividly aware that he has nothing worthwhile to go back to. Lance, too.]
i think a lot more of the displaced think like me than you're giving them credit for, you know?
i want to make this place better, not treat it like a bucket list
[He gave that little disclaimer there, but she wants to make it clear. Ian is her best friend here, maybe one of the best friends she's ever had, and she's always vividly aware that he has nothing worthwhile to go back to. Lance, too.]
i think a lot more of the displaced think like me than you're giving them credit for, you know?
[ Nate knows Kyna wouldn't be intentionally flippant, he's seen her trying, seen her on the network, but she asked him to clarify. There's a defensiveness he recognizes in her text, sticking up for people he's aware they both know, but some of them aren't so forthcoming with the status of their mortality - himself included.
It's not something Nate likes to share when it leads to questions about the how, the why, and he can't volunteer information without dragging Sam into it. It wouldn't be fair. ]
that's for them to make clear, not you.
regardless, i know you're a good person, and dealing with the feeling of being back while remembering everything is going to be hard. go easy on yourself.
It's not something Nate likes to share when it leads to questions about the how, the why, and he can't volunteer information without dragging Sam into it. It wouldn't be fair. ]
that's for them to make clear, not you.
regardless, i know you're a good person, and dealing with the feeling of being back while remembering everything is going to be hard. go easy on yourself.
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