[She swallows, shrugs as much as she can while pressed against him.]
He's a healer, you know? He was okay, but...
[But it was still bad, and she doesn't really want to talk about it.]
I guess he must have called my brother beforehand, because he showed up, and he and I had to... deal with my dad because Sam was out. I mean, I had to deal with my dad. Banishing the spirit.
[She says, like that's the next natural step, because for her it was. This is her job. She does shit like this all the time. She should have been able to handle it, and normally, she would have, if this hadn't been such a fucking mess.]
But deals like this, bindings like this, they aren't always equal. It's like... trying to rip apart two pieces of tape that are stuck sticky sides together, you know?
[ Banishing the spirit — be patient with him Kyna, he has no idea how Magic Physics works where you're from so he's doing his best to connect these dots as he's presented with them.
But.
If somebody binds themselves to an entity, and they get... mixed, if they fuse, and you rip half of it away-- ]
[ He breathes the word, a pulse of profound apology and understanding striking through the bond. Somehow, that's the one outcome he hadn't been thinking of in advance. It seems like the obvious conclusion now that she's said it, and he...
Yeah, he hurts for her. ]
I'm sorry. I really am. I know how much that can hurt.
You don't have to measure your pain based on someone else's. It's okay to hurt.
[ And he can imagine... if he suddenly found his father and knew him for even a day just to watch him die the next, that would still be enough to drive a stake through his heart. The loss of a parent can be less about the person and more about their meaning. ]
[Kyna chews on her lip for a second, going quiet. Of course there was a grieving period, even if it was—or is—a strange and rocky one. She's mourned more for the idea of the father she could have had than the one she got, but she's been able to temper that with the reality of what a monster he turned into.
So, here's the part she hasn't talked about with anyone, back home or here.]
Is it fucked up that I feel worse about what happened to Sam than to my dad?
It's not wrong to feel how you feel. Just because you think you're supposed to feel a certain way... there's no right way to grieve. Nobody knows the intricacies of your relationships but you.
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no subject
[She swallows, shrugs as much as she can while pressed against him.]
He's a healer, you know? He was okay, but...
[But it was still bad, and she doesn't really want to talk about it.]
I guess he must have called my brother beforehand, because he showed up, and he and I had to... deal with my dad because Sam was out. I mean, I had to deal with my dad. Banishing the spirit.
[She says, like that's the next natural step, because for her it was. This is her job. She does shit like this all the time. She should have been able to handle it, and normally, she would have, if this hadn't been such a fucking mess.]
But deals like this, bindings like this, they aren't always equal. It's like... trying to rip apart two pieces of tape that are stuck sticky sides together, you know?
no subject
But.
If somebody binds themselves to an entity, and they get... mixed, if they fuse, and you rip half of it away-- ]
It-- did it... take parts of your dad with it?
no subject
I guess. That's a way of thinking of it.
[It's messy, is the basic idea.]
So he didn't... you know. He didn't make it.
no subject
[ He breathes the word, a pulse of profound apology and understanding striking through the bond. Somehow, that's the one outcome he hadn't been thinking of in advance. It seems like the obvious conclusion now that she's said it, and he...
Yeah, he hurts for her. ]
I'm sorry. I really am. I know how much that can hurt.
no subject
Thanks. I mean... I don't think it's the same. He was never really my dad, you know? So it wasn't... It was worse for you. I think.
no subject
You don't have to measure your pain based on someone else's. It's okay to hurt.
[ And he can imagine... if he suddenly found his father and knew him for even a day just to watch him die the next, that would still be enough to drive a stake through his heart. The loss of a parent can be less about the person and more about their meaning. ]
no subject
So, here's the part she hasn't talked about with anyone, back home or here.]
Is it fucked up that I feel worse about what happened to Sam than to my dad?
no subject
[ He means that sincerely. ]
It's not wrong to feel how you feel. Just because you think you're supposed to feel a certain way... there's no right way to grieve. Nobody knows the intricacies of your relationships but you.