um fuck I don't know I don't think so Sam kind of asked me the same question, but his take is 'if you weren't fucking the answer is no'. So that seemed pretty definitive.
Alright so For the most part we would just hang out, you know I mean I hit on him all the time back at the start but You know I'd do that to like an 80 year old granny, it doesn't always mean something
But there's like this one stupid thing that makes it feel more complicated than that, but I don't actually know if it's relevant to him or in general or if it's even all that important or if I'm just overthinking everything into the ground
We did that thing that happens all the fucking time apparently, where we shared a dream
We were both young Basically kids, I don't know, early twenties or something and he lost somebody, and he was really fucking devastated and I kind of just kept thinking about my mom and I wanted to fix it for him but I couldn't figure anything out so finally I just kissed him That's basically it
It sounds stupid when I try to explain it
It was just a dream, we never even really talked about it
We've used it a few times. He showed me some of the cool places he's been. We never really shied away from it, like before I actually met you in person when I heroically unplugged the sim you're still welcome I got fucked up by this monster thing, he found me in the bathroom and stitched me up without a second thought about it Just stuff like that off and on without it being a big deal
Depends on what we're talking about but I don't know Happiness, excitement, amusement generally He felt really really like radiantly excited when he showed me his memory of a few temples I guess once we were talking about something that upset him and I wasn't I offered to help in a way he couldn't really take me up on, so he reached out and felt like really reassuring and really genuine, if that makes sense In general just Happy and excited, I guess, especially in Tibet
But it seriously isn't like all the time, it's just mostly in passing
I know, I know, it's a whole lot of nothing, so that's probably the answer
I liked him I didn't plan on taking it any farther than that because I mean, you fucking met me, giving a shit about you was like my peak capacity, I'm not relationship material, I'm a fucking train wreck But I liked him, and if I was capable of anything like that I think I could've seen myself wanting to try it with him
but that's if you like vastly oversimplify everything and ignore all the pitfalls
we dodged talking about that kiss so hard it was practically a diving competition
and he's a lot more guarded than he seems, like he's pleasant and a good bartender and shit but once you get to know him I think he's got a lot of complicated stuff churning under the surface that he's dealing with and as much as I knew basically everything about him in the aerie, there's so much I don't know about his first life Life A or whatever which means I think he keeps shit as close to the chest as I do, so that's something
i suck at all those things too, and you're telling me to date sam so i don't think you get to use that as an excuse but um i do think you need to be careful about the aerie, you know? i don't know a ton about nate, but all of us had really different pasts so mixing that nate with this nate might be messy how much do you actually know about him?
I know his personality pretty fucking well at this point
But like his history? probably about as much as he knows about me to be honest which actually, now that I think about it, it's a decent amount
I know about his whole childhood situation, what it was like for him growing up, his absolutely fucking insane lifestyle, a couple pretty deep personal things
Obviously not as much as I know about you, but kind of more than I would have thought
i don't know, ian i'm not going to pretend i know what nate is thinking i don't know him well enough i guess maybe just try to figure out if you think you know enough about him because right now you're kind of going back and forth and talk to him
I sent him a private message the other day when all that moon shit went down it didn't really go anywhere just kind of a polite exchange, but short I think if it was like a significant thing he probably would've indicated it or something
honestly man thank you for asking and listening I'm pretty sure you're right I'm being fucking stupid I'm overhyping the before and I'm getting too hung up on what went down there when for the most part everyone's kind of deciding it doesn't mean anything
I think it's just the whole never had a real relationship had a really intense one there and it threw me a little I'll chill out and stop being weird, it doesn't matter
but anyway you and Sam actually have something going on here, like, in the non-aerie this place so
can we stop talking about sam? please? i know you don't mean to but it feels like you're pushing us and we both just died like two days ago and it's just nice having sam around as someone i can trust without i don't know worrying that we have to change things or we're going to hurt each other i need that way more than a boyfriend right now
and i don't think you're stupid some of the stuff that happened in the aerie was really important like us growing up together was important, right? i think you'll feel better if you just straight up ask him
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fuck
I don't know
I don't think so
Sam kind of asked me the same question, but his take is 'if you weren't fucking the answer is no'.
So that seemed pretty definitive.
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that's not how that works
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For the most part we would just hang out, you know
I mean I hit on him all the time back at the start but
You know
I'd do that to like an 80 year old granny, it doesn't always mean something
But there's like this one stupid thing that makes it feel more complicated than that, but I don't actually know if it's relevant to him or in general or if it's even all that important or if I'm just overthinking everything into the ground
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what is it?
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We were both young
Basically kids, I don't know, early twenties or something and he lost somebody, and he was really fucking devastated
and I kind of just kept thinking about my mom and I wanted to fix it for him but I couldn't figure anything out so finally I just kissed him
That's basically it
It sounds stupid when I try to explain it
It was just a dream, we never even really talked about it
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i think that was probably after sam
um
look
i'm not gonna pretend i'm an expert or anything
but what you're telling me is pretty vague
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I think I'm just overthinking it, especially in like hindsight now after all that shit happened.
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maybe?
i think you just have to talk to him
do you guys like
use the empathy bond a lot or anything?
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when I heroically unplugged the sim
you're still welcome
I got fucked up by this monster thing, he found me in the bathroom and stitched me up without a second thought about it
Just stuff like that off and on without it being a big deal
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I don't know
Happiness, excitement, amusement generally
He felt really really like radiantly excited when he showed me his memory of a few temples
I guess once we were talking about something that upset him and I wasn't
I offered to help in a way he couldn't really take me up on, so he reached out and felt like
really reassuring and really genuine, if that makes sense
In general just
Happy and excited, I guess, especially in Tibet
But it seriously isn't like all the time, it's just mostly in passing
I know, I know, it's a whole lot of nothing, so that's probably the answer
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whenever i touch you or sam i can feel how much you guys care about me
do you ever get anything like that from him?
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Nothing ever directed at me specifically that I've noticed
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[Well. Unless Nate has like, sociopathic levels of emotional control, that doesn't really bode well.]
well
you're cooler than he is anyway
[She's helping!!!]
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That's all that matters at the end of the day
( and that's
fine
it's fine
it's a solid conclusion, totally sound, makes sense and he's
cool with that
he's good
doesn't bother him )
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stop doing this dodgy "i don't care" thing
come on, it's just me
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I didn't plan on taking it any farther than that because
I mean, you fucking met me, giving a shit about you was like my peak capacity, I'm not relationship material, I'm a fucking train wreck
But I liked him, and if I was capable of anything like that
I think I could've seen myself wanting to try it with him
but that's if you like vastly oversimplify everything and ignore all the pitfalls
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-communicating
-commitment
-being emotionally honest
-intimacy
-being vulnerable
-forming attachments
nate has a lot of shit going on with his brother
we dodged talking about that kiss so hard it was practically a diving competition
and he's a lot more guarded than he seems, like he's pleasant and a good bartender and shit but once you get to know him
I think he's got a lot of complicated stuff churning under the surface that he's dealing with and
as much as I knew basically everything about him in the aerie, there's so much I don't know about his
first
life
Life A or whatever
which means I think he keeps shit as close to the chest as I do, so that's
something
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so i don't think you get to use that as an excuse
but um
i do think you need to be careful about the aerie, you know?
i don't know a ton about nate, but all of us had really different pasts
so mixing that nate with this nate might be
messy
how much do you actually know about him?
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But like his history?
probably about as much as he knows about me to be honest
which actually, now that I think about it, it's a decent amount
I know about his whole childhood situation, what it was like for him growing up, his absolutely fucking insane lifestyle, a couple pretty deep personal things
Obviously not as much as I know about you, but kind of more than I would have thought
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i'm not going to pretend i know what nate is thinking
i don't know him well enough
i guess maybe just try to figure out if you think you know enough about him
because right now you're kind of going back and forth
and talk to him
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it didn't really go anywhere
just kind of a polite exchange, but short
I think if it was like a significant thing he probably would've indicated it or something
honestly man
thank you for asking and listening
I'm pretty sure you're right
I'm being fucking stupid
I'm overhyping the before and I'm getting too hung up on what went down there when for the most part everyone's kind of deciding it doesn't mean anything
I think it's just the whole
never had a real relationship
had a really intense one there and it threw me a little
I'll chill out and stop being weird, it doesn't matter
but anyway you and Sam actually have something going on here, like, in the non-aerie this place so
if you guys bang you gotta tell me
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i know you don't mean to but
it feels like you're pushing us and we both just died like two days ago and it's just nice having sam around as someone i can trust without
i don't know
worrying that we have to change things or we're going to hurt each other
i need that way more than a boyfriend right now
and i don't think you're stupid
some of the stuff that happened in the aerie was really important
like us growing up together was important, right?
i think you'll feel better if you just straight up ask him
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I was just trying to change the subject with a smooth comedic call-back. I didn't mean it in any serious way. I'll leave it alone.
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