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[ he laughs softly, somehow making it a sad, drunk sound ]

Words will not make right the things I have done.

[She hesitates, not sure what to say about that, and then_]

...Wait, where are you?

I have left New Amsterdam.

[ he doesn't want anyone to come after him. ]

You're by yourself?

[ with someone else he might have made a joke about the beer keeping him company. but kyna deserves better than that ]

Aye.

Oh, Thor.

[It comes out a little shakier than she wanted it to.]

I can come meet you. We can talk.

I will not come to harm here.

[ is there a note of regret in his voice? ]

There is no need for you to come here, Kyna.

I'm not worried about you getting hurt, I'm worried about...

[She trails off, quiet and awkward for a moment.]

You know. Having to deal with all this by yourself.

[ thor often feels touched or amazed at how mortals can approach the world so graciously, and he feels it again now.

but he knows he is not worthy of it ]

I have dealt with worse.

[She believes it. He's a god and all.]

That doesn't mean you have to deal with this alone, or that you deserve to.

No. I deserve far worse, after the things I did in that other world.

Why? Who says we were even... you know, totally in charge?

I have those memories. I lived that life, all of it. I will not so easily excuse myself from the wrong that has been done.

[She's quiet for a moment again, mulling it over. She's still torn over how much of that other life counts, or how much should count. Everyone seems to have a different opinion.]

I'm not upset with you. You're a good person.

I have been. One day, I would like to be again.

[ there's a rumble of thunder on thor's end of the line, then the gradual sound of rain ]

I thank you. Not all I've wrong would be as kind as you have been. But it should not surprise me, you've always been so.

I wasn't exactly a great person over there, either. I went along with all that Quarry crap, too.

We all went along with the world we thought we belonged to.

[ thor sighs ]

But the person I was... I still have those memories. I know how it feels to be him. Me.

The you in the Aerie would have never apologized, and he wouldn't have felt guilty, right?

Thankfully, he was not a god either.

Yeah, but what I mean is... Even if you remember all of it, you're not the same as you were there.

Neither am I the same now as I was before.

[ something like anger or frustration creeps into his voice, for the first time cutting through the drunken stupor. ]

And I will not remain who I am now.

Yeah.

[She says it softly, tone tinged with understanding. She knows she's not the same as who she was before the Aerie, too, she's just... not sure what to do with that. How to deal with it.]

Who are you now?

[ that's a question he's found harder and harder to answer as he gets older, but kyna doesn't need the whole rundown of how hard identity is when you're a god ]

I am too close to the man who would have killed you because you chose to do what you wished and not what I wished.

Too close how?

i was raised as he was raised, the son of an important man, born to wield power and influence and secure in the knowledge that men would kneel at my feet in fealty. i share his propensity to violence and anger, his short temper, his lust for the enjoyable things of life and his desire to engage in all he does to the fullest. i do not like for my will to be thwarted. i want to succeed at all i do.

and unlike that man, i am a god. i am who the stories told about thor say that i am. and now this story of thor is a part of me, and will be until he is forgotten.

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evocation - 2021-01-22 08:11 (UTC) - Expand