You've seen how people react to suggestions they don't like. There are a few people I could ask who I know agree with me, but they already have a lot to deal with right now.
[So a little of both; he doesn't want to overwhelm the people he's confident he could ask for help, and hasn't wanted to risk trying to ask anyone else. So part of stating something so publicly about how he felt had been to see who'd responded in what way, and it had worked; some of the new arrivals were interested in working on the problem. But then it had gone downhill from there.]
[This is where she's struggling—she's never been one to hesitate when she really believes in something, for better or for worse. She's a lot like Ren in that way. And after the Aerie, she's only more determined to push at the things she considers injustices in this world. Getting yelled at on the network sucks, sure, but in her mind it's become clear that none of them will ever get a consensus on anything. Best to find the people who agree with you and want to work with you, and focus on them.
But maybe part of it is that she's never viewed any of Clarke's brusqueness or disagreements as personal. In fact, they always seem very impersonal. Clarke will call anyone out, even if they're friends. She just doesn't mince words. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Clarke comes from a world that Kyna has come to understand through hints and offhand comments as awful, even if she doesn't know the details. Worrying about people's feelings just isn't Clarke's first priority for things like this.
Again, she's quiet for a moment, mulling it over. It's hard because while she gets that he's struggling, and she gets that the network can be annoying, she really doesn't see any of this as people disagreeing with him, but disagreeing with the way he went about it with the new arrivals, and she's not sure he wants to hear that.]
I think you should just do it. Ask people for help, and try to get people to brainstorm. Or if you're not up to posting to the network, ask someone you trust to do it. And if you think everyone is dealing with too much else to fix the safehouse... I don't know.
[Either he wants it done as quickly as possible and he asks for help, or he accepts that it needs to wait and stops getting upset that it isn't being solved quickly. Right now, it seems like he's just forcing himself into a cycle of misery.]
[He gives a long sigh at that, reaching up to run his hand aggressively through his hair just to get the physical jolt of it, before responding--]
Yeah, I'll try that next time I have the mental fortitude to get yelled at again.
[Or ask one of his friends to get yelled at, which is not a more appealing option. But this isn't really going anywhere and they covered what he's promised he would tell her, and now he's just frustrated and agitated on top of depressed. Not that that's unusual, especially not lately, but that doesn't make it a pleasant feeling.
He uncurls his leg and moves to stand up, careful not to do so too quickly, then finally glances at Kyna again.]
I'm going to... I don't know. Try to take a nap or something.
[Except he won't, because he'll get a message from Gaby that will make all of this worse, but at least for right now he's blissfully unaware of that.]
[Kyna sighs too, because she's the queen of shutting down and shutting people out, and that's exactly what he's doing. It feels like he's been doing it a lot.
She reaches out to touch his arm again, not to hold on, but to hopefully get him to stay a second longer.]
[She was expecting a little more resistance, so she's thrown off for a second, but then she continues, voice a little softer.]
There's a lot of people here who really care about you, and a lot of people who would love to help you with... Pretty much anything you could ask for or need. You're not going to feel better until you let them.
[The first thing that comes to mind when she says that--his immediate, instinctive response--is I don't believe you. And as soon as it crosses through his mind, he knows she's right, and so are all the other people who've told him the same thing; not only are they right, he's also gone far past the point when he should've taken the advice.
It's not the first time this has happened and it won't be the last, but it's still always a kind of sickening shock when he recognizes how warped his thinking has gotten. He knows how to fix it, and knows it can be fixed, but it's such an incredibly unpleasant indicator of how far out hand things have gotten.
But because he can recognize it and what it means, instead of I don't believe you, what he says is--]
I know.
[And, logically, he does. He's just going to have to trust only that side of himself, not the emotional side, for a little while.
He offers her a weak attempt at a smile, just for a moment, trying to show her that he did hear what she said and isn't brushing it off, but he just can't act on it immediately. Not without some rest and time to mentally prepare, anyway.]
I'll talk to you later.
[Maybe about this, maybe not, but it's not totally off the table. He just needs a little more time.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[So a little of both; he doesn't want to overwhelm the people he's confident he could ask for help, and hasn't wanted to risk trying to ask anyone else. So part of stating something so publicly about how he felt had been to see who'd responded in what way, and it had worked; some of the new arrivals were interested in working on the problem. But then it had gone downhill from there.]
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But maybe part of it is that she's never viewed any of Clarke's brusqueness or disagreements as personal. In fact, they always seem very impersonal. Clarke will call anyone out, even if they're friends. She just doesn't mince words. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Clarke comes from a world that Kyna has come to understand through hints and offhand comments as awful, even if she doesn't know the details. Worrying about people's feelings just isn't Clarke's first priority for things like this.
Again, she's quiet for a moment, mulling it over. It's hard because while she gets that he's struggling, and she gets that the network can be annoying, she really doesn't see any of this as people disagreeing with him, but disagreeing with the way he went about it with the new arrivals, and she's not sure he wants to hear that.]
I think you should just do it. Ask people for help, and try to get people to brainstorm. Or if you're not up to posting to the network, ask someone you trust to do it. And if you think everyone is dealing with too much else to fix the safehouse... I don't know.
[Either he wants it done as quickly as possible and he asks for help, or he accepts that it needs to wait and stops getting upset that it isn't being solved quickly. Right now, it seems like he's just forcing himself into a cycle of misery.]
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Yeah, I'll try that next time I have the mental fortitude to get yelled at again.
[Or ask one of his friends to get yelled at, which is not a more appealing option. But this isn't really going anywhere and they covered what he's promised he would tell her, and now he's just frustrated and agitated on top of depressed. Not that that's unusual, especially not lately, but that doesn't make it a pleasant feeling.
He uncurls his leg and moves to stand up, careful not to do so too quickly, then finally glances at Kyna again.]
I'm going to... I don't know. Try to take a nap or something.
[Except he won't, because he'll get a message from Gaby that will make all of this worse, but at least for right now he's blissfully unaware of that.]
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She reaches out to touch his arm again, not to hold on, but to hopefully get him to stay a second longer.]
Lance.
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There's a lot of people here who really care about you, and a lot of people who would love to help you with... Pretty much anything you could ask for or need. You're not going to feel better until you let them.
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It's not the first time this has happened and it won't be the last, but it's still always a kind of sickening shock when he recognizes how warped his thinking has gotten. He knows how to fix it, and knows it can be fixed, but it's such an incredibly unpleasant indicator of how far out hand things have gotten.
But because he can recognize it and what it means, instead of I don't believe you, what he says is--]
I know.
[And, logically, he does. He's just going to have to trust only that side of himself, not the emotional side, for a little while.
He offers her a weak attempt at a smile, just for a moment, trying to show her that he did hear what she said and isn't brushing it off, but he just can't act on it immediately. Not without some rest and time to mentally prepare, anyway.]
I'll talk to you later.
[Maybe about this, maybe not, but it's not totally off the table. He just needs a little more time.]