evocation | ⚡ ML INBOX

[Kyna is in the safehouse, so she beats him there. By the time he arrives, she's practically oozing nervousness. She's sitting on a crate, toying with a stray zip tie she's found, and she bites her lip when he enters.]

Um, hi.

[When he crosses the threshold into the storage room it's almost as if a force physically stops him from walking further in at first, and while his hesitation is brief it's also painfully obvious.

He steps further in, quietly, as he walks over to a crate nearby and takes a seat. He leans forward with his elbows propped on to his knees, hands folded to his chin.

He sighs.]

I acted like a fool, Kyna. I am sorry.

What?

[As usual, he's blunt and to the point, this time so much so that it throws her off. For a moment, she hesitates. Then her shoulders ease up, and she goes to join him, easing down to perch on the edge of his crate.]

It's okay. I just don't... I don't get why you were so upset.

[He still doesn't exactly want to say why he got so upset with her, but after the way he spoke to her he owes her some kind of explanation.]

I suppose I panicked when you asked what I thought we should do. I know what you meant, of course, but...

[He keeps his gaze focused on a half opened crate on the other side of the room, its contents having been recently rummaged through.

He gives a frustrated sigh. He just doesn't know how to say it.]

In the past...I have seen my captivity as something inevitable. Something not worth fighting. Even after escape, when my master found me, I just accepted that the fantasy of freedom was over.

It is...shamefully easy for me to fall back into that thought, even for as long as I've been free. Especially when I find myself in this predicament.

[He lowers his hands onto his lap and finally looks over at her apologetically.]

I should not have taken that out on you. I am shamed in how I acted.

[Kyna listens quietly as he explains, studying his face even when he looks away. It breaks her heart a little to hear him say it, and suddenly she feels like kind of an asshole for not considering that this whole thing might be affecting him more than he let on. More than just frustration and complaining. Even just hearing him refer to his master makes her skin crawl.]

Hey...

[She shifts, her shoulder bumping into his, her voice soft and a bit awkward.]

You don't have to be ashamed. I was... I shouldn't have gotten so mad.

No.

[He reaches up with a hand but hesitates before lowering it back to his lap, gaze shifting down until he's looking elsewhere again.]

You didn't know. I need to control myself better. I just...never have been very good at it.

[Oh. What was that? She tilts her head a little, but doesn't comment on it.]

I'm not, either. I suck at it.

[So at least they're on the same page. Kyna hesitates, stretching her legs out.]

If you ever want to, you know... If you want to talk, I'll listen.

[Well... Maybe she should warn him.]

I just usually suck at knowing what to say.

[He laughs softly. Not that it needs repeating, but:]

We're both awful at this.

[Not to mention, he hasn't really spoken much about any of this outside of a very specific group. It was a different situation...different circumstances.]

I...thank you.

And I am here, should you ever have need of me.

[The laugh is a good sign, and it makes her smile.]

Thanks.

[The problem is just that usually, even when she does want to talk, she never knows how to spit it out. But it's still nice to hear.]

Do you want to talk about it? I mean, does being stuck here still feel inevitable?

[He caught her smile out of the corner of his eye (yes he was looking), his own lips curling upward subtly. It's a brief moment, though.]

No. I can't entertain such thoughts. The moment I think about it too hard I start to question if I was ever meant to be free.

What? What makes you think you aren't?

Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I haven't been truly free for as long as I can remember.

[It's a bitter and frustrated response, but this time he catches himself, because the last thing he wants to do is take his issues out on her after he just got done apologizing for doing that very thing.

He sighs.]

It's complicated, Kyna.

[She winces, less at the comment and more at the realization that what she said was stupid.]

Sorry. If you want to tell me about it, I don't care if it's complicated.

[He lets out something between a laugh and a sigh. He can't believe he's actually going to tell someone this but:]

Stop apologizing.

[He's far too used to others tactlessly asking questions, prying, and when he gives them an answer they clam up, stammer some half assed apology, or say something irritating. whenever someone genuine comes along it's...weird. He doesn't quite know how to handle it.]

Does it not bother you to hear these things?

[It's instinctive for her to apologize—she knows how bad she is at this. To be honest, though, it's a bit of a relief that he tells her not to.

His question makes her frown again, and she stares down at her legs, picking at the hem of her shorts.]

Yes?

[She makes a face, faltering as she tries to think of how to explain it.]

I mean... I hate that it happened to you, but I want to hear it, too. I want to get it. Does that make sense?

I...yes. I suppose it does.

[It makes sense, but it's not the kind of answer he was expecting. To be honest, he's not sure what kind of answer he was expecting.

He pauses, staring down at his hands on his lap, slowly pulling off one of his gloves as he stares down at the markings that run from his wrist to his fingers.]

After my first escape from Danarius I found myself among the company of Fog Warriors. They're native to the jungles of Seheron — the greatness of their land diminished by the constant warring between the Tevinter Imperium and the Qunari. Both battling for control of the land while the natives were left with all the destruction. But they refused to succumb to such a fate and launched guerrilla strikes among fog, silently taking down their occupiers before they were even aware they were being attacked.

[Fenris' tone drips in admiration, and even a fondness as he speaks about the Fog Warriors.]

They educated me on the Qun — the Qunari code of honor, and I found myself in awe of their strength and unwillingness to bow to anyone. I was there for a few months. I was...happy.

[He frowns, hand laying limp on his lap.]

Then Danarius found me. The Fog Warriors stood with me — they would refuse to let him take me. And yet...when he stood there, smiled at me, greeted me as "my pet" and ordered me to kill them...I did it. I killed all of them. As I said before, I felt that it was inevitable. No matter what happened in those few months I was free, my place would be beside my master, and there was no getting around it.

[He pointedly avoids making any eye contact in his retelling, now staring down at the floor.]

It took me staring down at the bodies of those I spent months with for me to finally snap out of it. I attacked Danarius and his men and fled. Danarius survived, of course, and it would not be the last time I saw him. I was angry whenever he sent his men after me. And though there came a time where I was finally done running...part of me was scared I would look upon him and feel that...pull.

And I am afraid to feel it again.

[As she listens, she tries to keep her expression neutral, but that's never been easy for her. The story makes her ache for him, and she can't hide it. Kyna can't imagine it, can't imagine being given an order and feeling so trapped that you just do it, but it puts everything else in perspective.

She can't hold his hand, not with that stupid empathy bond. It feels invasive to have front row seats to his emotions, and though she won't admit it, the idea of sharing hers is a little terrifying, too. Kyna loops her fingers around his wrist instead, squeezing gently.]

Are you afraid you'll feel it with someone else, too?

[He looks down at her hand around his wrist, features softening as he squeezes his glove being held in the very same hand.]

A person, or a place. We're told we must blend in here; get jobs, places to live...I could easily just accept that I am stuck here.

[Kyna bites her lip, shifting in place, not entirely sure what to say. So, as always, she defaults to her usual strategy.]

Hey.

[There's a slight teasing edge that creeps into her voice.]

Do you think I'm just gonna let you get a shitty job and give up?

[Somehow, that helps, because he just...laughs. Sometimes she reminds him too much of Hawke, except...maybe a little more like himself.]

You're ridiculous.

[But he means that in the most affectionate way possible. Not That he'll say that out loud.]

[Oh, hey. A laugh. Kyna grins, relieved and oddly proud for not screwing this one up.]

But you're still hanging out with me.

[He smile keeps, even.]

There must be something wrong with me.

Definitely.

[She gives his wrist another squeeze.]

Thanks for telling me all this.

[After a moment of hesitation he lifts his other gloved hand and gently lays it atop the one holding his wrist, giving a small squeeze of his own, but he's quick to not let the touch linger.]

Thank you...for listening.

[Kyna's always been a touchy-feely person. It's just the way she is, and sometimes it's the easiest way for her to connect with other people. Fenris doesn't really strike her as the type, though, and so when he squeezes her hand, for a split second she can't hide her surprise.]

Sure. Maybe... I don't know. Maybe things'll get easier?

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