[This is easier said than done, and he tries to figure out an example that works and he can give without needing a lot of backstory or getting into subjects he doesn't want to. He and Brennan don't really discuss feelings--other than advice when asked for, or during his attempts to help her and Booth sort out their relationship--precisely because Brennan isn't good at it and Lance has known that from the beginning.]
She and I usually avoid having talks for this exact reason, which doesn't exactly help when something does come up. I guess an example would be that we had a case that brought up a lot of feelings for both of us, and we both knew that was what was going on with each other, but we disagreed on how to handle the situation. Since we couldn't actually communicate about it directly--she wouldn't talk about the underlying problem at all, and I wasn't exactly doing the best job either--we both got so frustrated with each other that we ended up barely speaking the rest of the day.
[He definitely could've done a better job dealing with this on his side, so it's not just Brennan's fault or anything, but where he'd been alluding to things and even outright stating some she'd basically just walled off entirely in terms of communication.]
But we'd known each other for a few years by that point, and she changed the way she was dealing with the case, so I could tell she'd understood even if she wouldn't talk about it. We ended up just kind of letting the conflict go, though we didn't actually resolve it.
In some ways it's easier, but in others it isn't. We get to avoid the unpleasant part of talking, but the tradeoff is that it leads to miscommunication and conflict that we could've avoided.
I assume you and he get along well? He can probably read your expressions and body language, so even if you can't find exactly the 'right' words, he can understand what you're trying to say. That makes it a lot easier.
maybe i'm not sure what set him off exactly it was just okay, during the sim there was a lot of fucked up stuff happening, right? and this guy and i thought we died except it was all fake, so we didn't, but it felt real and he was brushing it off like it wasn't a big deal, but i thought i knew it was bothering him, right? but when i tried to talk to him about it he acted like i was nuts
[He'll just... File that information away for now, and put it in the list of other horrible things he's heard and that he needs to worry about his friends over. But focusing on the conversation--]
he said it wasn't real so it didn't matter and a bunch of other stuff that i don't know, i guess it was kind of personal but basically it was just who cares, there's no point in talking about it
[Ah, one of these situations. Okay, well, at least he can try to give some advice.]
You're probably right that it was bothering him, and that it would help him to talk to someone. But if someone isn't ready to talk, trying to make them will only make things worse.
It sucks when you want to help your friend and they won't accept it, but all you can really do is be there for them for when they do choose to ask for help.
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She and I usually avoid having talks for this exact reason, which doesn't exactly help when something does come up. I guess an example would be that we had a case that brought up a lot of feelings for both of us, and we both knew that was what was going on with each other, but we disagreed on how to handle the situation. Since we couldn't actually communicate about it directly--she wouldn't talk about the underlying problem at all, and I wasn't exactly doing the best job either--we both got so frustrated with each other that we ended up barely speaking the rest of the day.
[He definitely could've done a better job dealing with this on his side, so it's not just Brennan's fault or anything, but where he'd been alluding to things and even outright stating some she'd basically just walled off entirely in terms of communication.]
But we'd known each other for a few years by that point, and she changed the way she was dealing with the case, so I could tell she'd understood even if she wouldn't talk about it. We ended up just kind of letting the conflict go, though we didn't actually resolve it.
[Which tends to be the case with them.]
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[This is... perhaps not the best take away, Kyna.]
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In some ways it's easier, but in others it isn't. We get to avoid the unpleasant part of talking, but the tradeoff is that it leads to miscommunication and conflict that we could've avoided.
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i tried talking to someone here about something and it blew up on me
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Blew up in what way?
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idk
i just pissed him off
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i'm not sure what set him off exactly
it was just
okay, during the sim there was a lot of fucked up stuff happening, right?
and this guy and i thought we died
except it was all fake, so we didn't, but it felt real
and he was brushing it off like it wasn't a big deal, but i thought
i knew it was bothering him, right?
but when i tried to talk to him about it he acted like i was nuts
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In what way? What did he say?
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and a bunch of other stuff that
i don't know, i guess it was kind of personal
but basically it was just
who cares, there's no point in talking about it
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You're probably right that it was bothering him, and that it would help him to talk to someone. But if someone isn't ready to talk, trying to make them will only make things worse.
It sucks when you want to help your friend and they won't accept it, but all you can really do is be there for them for when they do choose to ask for help.
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but i don't think he'll ever want to talk about it
[Pot, kettle.]
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how do you do this shit all the time?
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[It's half a joke and half true.]