[She's what? Panicking? That's certainly a word for it. Everything feels a little bit false, like she's waiting to snap back into the Aerie. Being alone in the safehouse isn't helping that.]
Okay. I'll be there as soon as I can, though you're going to have to let me in.
[And please just don't ask about that; that's an issue for a later time. For now he needs to focus on getting to the safehouse and--more specifically--going through that damn hoverbike garage, which considering his mental state at the moment is going to be unpleasant even though he's preparing for it.
Her last question he ignores, hoping the lack of answer won't really stand out and she'll just assume he missed it. Probably easier than trying to get away with 'I'm fine'.]
[She notices, but she doesn't ask. And of course, it doesn't make any sense that he wouldn't be able to open the safehouse, but she doesn't ask about that either. It's a question for another time, when she has the energy.]
i'll wait outside the garage
[Because she remembers how uncomfortable he was walking through that garage the first day he got here. Maybe he's mostly gotten over that now, but still. Why make him do it?]
[It's a nice offer for her to make, something he didn't really expect her to remember, and some part of him doesn't like that she does even though he appreciates the conscientiousness of it. But that's something to figure out later, and for now he'll just let himself feel a little relief at one challenge being removed.]
Thanks. Be careful; there aren't that many people around, but still.
[Just keep aware. And he'll be there as soon as he's able to be, having to traverse the now wild city; he finally reaches the garage, shoes lighting up ridiculously with each step, though now the lights aren't just fun for the sake but soothing for him to watch.
He draws his attention away, though, as he reaches the garage, and it isn't too hard to catch sight of Kyna; she's the only other person around, after all. The rush of emotions he feels are so jumbled and confusing and he doesn't bother to try sorting them out just yet, letting the main one wins out; he's so glad to see her, and so incredibly worried about her.]
[God, he's alive, and seeing him in person has nothing on knowing it logically. She watched Dean kill him, grappled with the knowledge that he was only in that arena for her, and so there's no way she can keep her eyes from filling with tears. She wants to throw her arms around him, but she's still reeling from contradicting memories. Would he even want that, when they were fighting here? She's not sure, so she just forces out a weak, trembling greeting.]
[Lance has similar concerns, which are the main reason he hasn't just hugged her either, but he can't exactly watch her tear up and hear her voice like that without just taking the chance. So although he doesn't close the whole distance, he does step forward and reach out, giving her the option to duck away if she wants but making it clear that if she needs a hug he's totally okay with that.]
[The gesture is just what she needs, but also just enough to open the floodgates. She bursts into tears, wrapping her arms around him.]
I'm so, so sorry.
[For the Quarry, for not stopping him from going to Dean, for their fight beforehand, all of it. She wishes she could explain, wishes she could articulate it better, but she can't find the words.]
[He's relieved that she doesn't pull away, because that means things aren't that broken between them, no matter how complicated and confusing it all is. It's something they can work on.
He puts his arms around her in return, blinking hard so he doesn't start crying too; he's never good at watching friends be so upset, psychology training or not, and that's without all his own... Everything, that he's trying to hold back. But he manages for now, taking a deep breath and letting her get out whatever she needs to, but when she starts apologizing he has to shake his head and immediately protest--]
You don't have anything to apologize for. We'll deal with it, it's okay.
[All of it, it can be worked through and fixed. She doesn't need to blame herself, it's not like it was her fault; even their fight here was something they were equally responsible for, and what happened in the Aerie... None of that was because of her, and she has enough to deal with without adding guilt that should be hers on top of it.]
[The thing is, she had such a strong base of support in the Aerie, so many people who had seen her at her worst and still loved her. She has maybe two people back home that she can say the same for, and she hasn't even started to think of how to reconcile that now, or how to mourn it when it seems like it's gone.
So Lance says we'll deal with it, like it's not some friendship ruining thing, like they can handle it together, and some of the tension in her eases.]
[No one did; it was all so incredibly unfair, and now they all have to just live with it. It's going to be such a long process, but at least they don't have to do it all alone.]
Do you want to talk about it?
[He doubts it right away, while they're out in the open even if there's no one around, but he wants to ask anyway. If she does, he wants to give her a chance to do so.]
[Even right after, or maybe even especially right after, when it's all you can think about and you haven't had time to even begin to process it. But he won't push her on it, asking instead--]
[He lets go enough to let her pull back as much as she wants to, but since she doesn't break contact just yet neither does here. It's grounding, and it means they're both there, no matter what just happened.
That the question is turned around on him is no surprise, but he still isn't sure how to answer all the same. He doesn't want to talk about it, no, but he also doesn't want to discourage her from doing so by making her think like there's some sort of unequal, unfair exchange.
So, finally, he offers--]
You know I've died before, and this time was... It wasn't that bad.
[Even though he'd actually experienced the real death portion of it, something he hadn't at home, that part isn't so bad. It's the lead up to it, the pain and the fear and the regret, and he'd felt those things in the quarry but not in the same way as at home. This is like a pale imitation, and maybe it'll be worse as it continues to sink in, but for now he's okay.
[She's not sure if she believes him, but it somehow doesn't feel fair to call him out on it. Maybe she should, and maybe he needs someone to, but she's not confident enough in her own intuition for that. She frowns instead, unsure.]
[He doesn't know what he was expecting, of course she'd ask; anyone would at a comment like that. Maybe, he wonders briefly, he subconsciously wants to talk about it, but then the rest of him says absolutely not and he shuts that thought down immediately.
So he gives a small shrug, shaking his head a little and answering truthfully but distantly, in a way he hopes gives enough of an answer for her to be satisfied without inviting more questions.]
I mean it could've been worse.
[The implication is probably clear, and so is that he doesn't really want to talk about it, but he also soon shifts the subject to something safer--]
The city is kind of a mess, and it's... Pretty much empty, so no public transportation. It'll take awhile to get back to the apartment.
[As in, okay, let's get going and okay, I'll drop it. She wants to make sure he's okay, but right now doesn't seem like the time, and she doesn't want to screw it up.]
[As soon as they get out into things the overgrowth will be obvious, and so will how deserted the city is. As they step out onto a main street, instead of the out of the way garage, Lance adds--]
I ran into a deer, on the way here. It looked really offended to see me.
[Which is a way of saying oh, by the way, there's wildlife now too.]
[It almost looks like some sort of post apocalyptic movie, all overgrown and totally devoid of people. Kyna can't help but gasp, both at the sight and at what he says.]
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Re: idk either what is time
i'm
[She's what? Panicking? That's certainly a word for it. Everything feels a little bit false, like she's waiting to snap back into the Aerie. Being alone in the safehouse isn't helping that.]
are you okay?
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[And please just don't ask about that; that's an issue for a later time. For now he needs to focus on getting to the safehouse and--more specifically--going through that damn hoverbike garage, which considering his mental state at the moment is going to be unpleasant even though he's preparing for it.
Her last question he ignores, hoping the lack of answer won't really stand out and she'll just assume he missed it. Probably easier than trying to get away with 'I'm fine'.]
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i'll wait outside the garage
[Because she remembers how uncomfortable he was walking through that garage the first day he got here. Maybe he's mostly gotten over that now, but still. Why make him do it?]
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Thanks. Be careful; there aren't that many people around, but still.
[Just keep aware. And he'll be there as soon as he's able to be, having to traverse the now wild city; he finally reaches the garage, shoes lighting up ridiculously with each step, though now the lights aren't just fun for the sake but soothing for him to watch.
He draws his attention away, though, as he reaches the garage, and it isn't too hard to catch sight of Kyna; she's the only other person around, after all. The rush of emotions he feels are so jumbled and confusing and he doesn't bother to try sorting them out just yet, letting the main one wins out; he's so glad to see her, and so incredibly worried about her.]
Hey.
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Hey.
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I'm so, so sorry.
[For the Quarry, for not stopping him from going to Dean, for their fight beforehand, all of it. She wishes she could explain, wishes she could articulate it better, but she can't find the words.]
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He puts his arms around her in return, blinking hard so he doesn't start crying too; he's never good at watching friends be so upset, psychology training or not, and that's without all his own... Everything, that he's trying to hold back. But he manages for now, taking a deep breath and letting her get out whatever she needs to, but when she starts apologizing he has to shake his head and immediately protest--]
You don't have anything to apologize for. We'll deal with it, it's okay.
[All of it, it can be worked through and fixed. She doesn't need to blame herself, it's not like it was her fault; even their fight here was something they were equally responsible for, and what happened in the Aerie... None of that was because of her, and she has enough to deal with without adding guilt that should be hers on top of it.]
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So Lance says we'll deal with it, like it's not some friendship ruining thing, like they can handle it together, and some of the tension in her eases.]
You didn't deserve that. Any of it.
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[No one did; it was all so incredibly unfair, and now they all have to just live with it. It's going to be such a long process, but at least they don't have to do it all alone.]
Do you want to talk about it?
[He doubts it right away, while they're out in the open even if there's no one around, but he wants to ask anyway. If she does, he wants to give her a chance to do so.]
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[Does that count as avoiding or deflecting, like she always does? She's not sure, but she's being honest, at least.]
You aren't going to do the therapist thing, are you? You just— We just—
[Died, she means, but she can't bring herself to say it.]
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[Even right after, or maybe even especially right after, when it's all you can think about and you haven't had time to even begin to process it. But he won't push her on it, asking instead--]
Maybe we should go back to the apartment?
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Okay.
[She just doesn't want him to focus on her and act like he's fine, because... He can't be fine, right?]
...Do you want to talk about it?
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That the question is turned around on him is no surprise, but he still isn't sure how to answer all the same. He doesn't want to talk about it, no, but he also doesn't want to discourage her from doing so by making her think like there's some sort of unequal, unfair exchange.
So, finally, he offers--]
You know I've died before, and this time was... It wasn't that bad.
[Even though he'd actually experienced the real death portion of it, something he hadn't at home, that part isn't so bad. It's the lead up to it, the pain and the fear and the regret, and he'd felt those things in the quarry but not in the same way as at home. This is like a pale imitation, and maybe it'll be worse as it continues to sink in, but for now he's okay.
Okay about that experience, anyway.]
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What does 'not that bad' mean?
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So he gives a small shrug, shaking his head a little and answering truthfully but distantly, in a way he hopes gives enough of an answer for her to be satisfied without inviting more questions.]
I mean it could've been worse.
[The implication is probably clear, and so is that he doesn't really want to talk about it, but he also soon shifts the subject to something safer--]
The city is kind of a mess, and it's... Pretty much empty, so no public transportation. It'll take awhile to get back to the apartment.
[So they should get going.]
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[As in, okay, let's get going and okay, I'll drop it. She wants to make sure he's okay, but right now doesn't seem like the time, and she doesn't want to screw it up.]
How's it a mess?
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[As soon as they get out into things the overgrowth will be obvious, and so will how deserted the city is. As they step out onto a main street, instead of the out of the way garage, Lance adds--]
I ran into a deer, on the way here. It looked really offended to see me.
[Which is a way of saying oh, by the way, there's wildlife now too.]
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There are deer?
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[It's crazy in how normal it is.]
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We weren't gone that long, right? Do you think it has anything to do with... You know. Whatever happened?
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[He can't remember and doesn't want to try to look it up right now.]
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[Absently, she plucks a flower from the vine and then keeps moving.]
Like magic, right?
[Yeah, she means literally, but also not. It's beautiful, and she needs to cling to that right now.]
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[Which seems significant. He stops briefly when she picks the flower, making sure they stay together, before continuing to lead the way.]
Yeah, like magic. That'd at least be a simple explanation.
[Which would be welcomed, becuase nothing about this is simple.]
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She's quiet for a bit, mulling that over silently. Mulling it all over, really.]
Do you think it was all real?
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