[ he does know exactly what she's accusing him of. honestly, while Ren's got his own sturdy moral compass, that doesn't mean it doesn't make room for some more questionable practices. ]
Too worried? [ he seems to pause, because he's thinking that over. ] Maybe at first.
["Lonely" wasn't something she'd considered, and Kyna fights down a fresh wave of guilt. Without thinking, she reaches for his hand across the bar as he works.]
[She does touch him, actually, which is a little new for her. Usually she'd try to hide these sorts of emotions, but right now it doesn't feel like there's a point. She's feel totally off-kilter and oddly guilty.]
if he hadn't had Akechi, something in his memory that was consistent, he probably would have been more bothered by the existential consequences of his return. ]
Even if you didn't remember it, you do now. I still remember it.
[ it's funny how a disruption in memories can really change someone, or even cause this kind of strife. he understands it better than most. ]
Some people want to, but I think we know where we belong.
[ there's a concerned look that pinches behind his glasses, and he reaches under them to rub the bridge of his nose. when he talks, his voice is quiet. ]
When I went home, there was someone who wanted to make everyone's pain go away. He remade reality so no one would have to suffer by tapping into our desires to fulfill them. [ even saying that sounds invasive. ] It affected almost of our memories, because we could only remember that reality.
[ from his expression, he's having some trouble talking about this. ]
It didn't mean that all the other things didn't happen. It doesn't mean that we aren't connected.
[God, that sounds like a nightmare. Kyna tries to hide a frown and fails, squeezing his hand impulsively.]
That's fucking awful. Do you... Um, want to talk about it?
[She doesn't want to push when he's got that expression on his face, and she knows he's bringing it up to make a point, but it doesn't seem like the kind of thing she should just breeze past.]
[ that's not what he was expecting, and the question takes him a little off-guard for just a moment. he centers himself again, making a little mm as he thinks through what he'd even say about it. there was so much baggage, so much to explain, and he already put her through the ringer with Morgana. ]
[ there's that little grunt that comes out of him again, but ok, he's gonna try here. ]
Back home, we have an ability called Persona. It happens when you accept your Shadow Self in the cognitive world. [ and he absolutely knows that's hard to wrap your head around, so he tries to keep it concise. it's hard trying to be Morgana and explain this stuff. ]
We used it to change the hearts of people who were abusing other people, to give those people their power back. My school counselor was a Persona user, too. He lost someone close to him. She had an accident, and after that, didn't remember him or what happened to her. He thought she was better that way.
...
So he wanted to do that to the whole world, to ease the pain of loss.
[ Maruki wasn't a bad person. he was misguided, wanting to exert a special kind of control that adults wielded when they got lost and couldn't see through their own problems. ]
My friends were all happy. Those people that hurt them—they never remembered that happening. They didn't have to struggle with that pain. Everyone's desires came true.
[That's a lot of jargon that she doesn't fully understand, but she doesn't let herself get sucked into asking a million questions. That's not the point, and she gets the gist, at least.]
[ it's easier to show her than try to explain it. the memory is pretty easy to bring up: it's the first time he awakened Arsene. both him and Ryuji had been running through a Palace, lost on the first day of the new semester. the man with the yellow eyes, speedo and flaunty cape was their gym teacher.
despite where they are, Ren doesn't seem to know what's going on. then a voice reaches out to him on a flutter of a butterfly wing.
This is truly an unjust game. Your chances of winning are almost none. But if my voice is reaching you, there may yet be a possibility open to you ...
then comes the rush. the churn of his stomach, the pounding in his head. it's hard to keep his eyesight straight, even when he glares at Kamoshida. there's a combination of adrenaline and anxiety that push down the fear, and a memory that he knows very well. reaching out to try and help someone, and being taken away by the police, thrown in the backseat of a police car.
Was your previous decision a mistake then?
no. it wasn't. it wasn't—and he repeats that in his brain when the searing pain comes, when Arsene awakens from his own former doubtful thoughts through the shake of shackles and a wicked grin of full, demonic teeth. there's a mask that sticks to his face, as if it's part of the flesh. desperately he pulls at it, and with it, the reservations of how he views himself to all others in a toxic society. liquid drips down his cheeks and he doesn't care. instead, the release comes with a rush of power. it feels good. ]
[Kyna comes out of the memory with a sharp intake of breath, reeling a bit. God, that was a lot, and somehow not at all what she expected. She's never been shown a memory like that before, and that was a hell of a one to start with.]
[ it's intense, but it's definitely easier to understand as an experience than any words that he could put to it. even when Morgana explains it, it's not like the actual thing.
he takes a breath as he shifts his hand away, putting it to the back of his neck so he can roll his shoulders. ]
Yeah.
[ then he makes a motion that kinda ... signify Arsene's wings. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Huh?
[ maybe he already forgot.
don't be a ditz, Ren. ]
no subject
You said you had a picture of Strange to show me. You'd never lie to me, right?
no subject
Sure.
[ whatever that's a response to.
he's going back to get some curry while she makes herself comfortable on one of the stools. ]
no subject
Ren. Are you a liar?
no subject
[ as he makes her a nice dinner! wow, Kyna. ]
no subject
[But... okay. Time for a little detour into seriousness.]
You weren't... you know. Too worried. Right?
no subject
Too worried? [ he seems to pause, because he's thinking that over. ] Maybe at first.
...
After that, it's kind of lonely.
[ even if it's just one person. ]
no subject
I'm really glad I get to see you again.
no subject
he pauses in what he's doing so she can touch him, if she wants. ]
Kyna?
no subject
Yeah?
no subject
[ his sincerity cuts through the usual unreadable expression on his face. there's concern there that causes him to pause.
it's hard to come back, to reconcile the time and the memories. he can't speak for her, but he can listen. ]
no subject
I guess it's just... you know. It's fucking me up that none of us remember anything when we go back. Like none of this even happened at all.
no subject
if he hadn't had Akechi, something in his memory that was consistent, he probably would have been more bothered by the existential consequences of his return. ]
Even if you didn't remember it, you do now. I still remember it.
[ as some ... grasp at comfort. ]
no subject
[It is a bit comforting. She can't imagine how awful it would be to show up here again not remembering anything.]
But we all want to go home, right? Does it bother you that we won't remember?
no subject
Some people want to, but I think we know where we belong.
[ there's a concerned look that pinches behind his glasses, and he reaches under them to rub the bridge of his nose. when he talks, his voice is quiet. ]
When I went home, there was someone who wanted to make everyone's pain go away. He remade reality so no one would have to suffer by tapping into our desires to fulfill them. [ even saying that sounds invasive. ] It affected almost of our memories, because we could only remember that reality.
[ from his expression, he's having some trouble talking about this. ]
It didn't mean that all the other things didn't happen. It doesn't mean that we aren't connected.
no subject
That's fucking awful. Do you... Um, want to talk about it?
[She doesn't want to push when he's got that expression on his face, and she knows he's bringing it up to make a point, but it doesn't seem like the kind of thing she should just breeze past.]
no subject
This was supposed to be about you.
no subject
It can be about both of us.
no subject
Back home, we have an ability called Persona. It happens when you accept your Shadow Self in the cognitive world. [ and he absolutely knows that's hard to wrap your head around, so he tries to keep it concise. it's hard trying to be Morgana and explain this stuff. ]
We used it to change the hearts of people who were abusing other people, to give those people their power back. My school counselor was a Persona user, too. He lost someone close to him. She had an accident, and after that, didn't remember him or what happened to her. He thought she was better that way.
...
So he wanted to do that to the whole world, to ease the pain of loss.
[ Maruki wasn't a bad person. he was misguided, wanting to exert a special kind of control that adults wielded when they got lost and couldn't see through their own problems. ]
My friends were all happy. Those people that hurt them—they never remembered that happening. They didn't have to struggle with that pain. Everyone's desires came true.
[ even his. ]
no subject
That sounds really... empty. And violating.
no subject
[ he slips his hands from hers for a moment, and then offers it. ]
Here. I can show you something.
[ that might make this make sense. ]
no subject
Okay.
[She takes his hand.]
no subject
despite where they are, Ren doesn't seem to know what's going on. then a voice reaches out to him on a flutter of a butterfly wing.
This is truly an unjust game. Your chances of winning are almost none. But if my voice is reaching you, there may yet be a possibility open to you ...
then comes the rush. the churn of his stomach, the pounding in his head. it's hard to keep his eyesight straight, even when he glares at Kamoshida. there's a combination of adrenaline and anxiety that push down the fear, and a memory that he knows very well. reaching out to try and help someone, and being taken away by the police, thrown in the backseat of a police car.
Was your previous decision a mistake then?
no. it wasn't. it wasn't—and he repeats that in his brain when the searing pain comes, when Arsene awakens from his own former doubtful thoughts through the shake of shackles and a wicked grin of full, demonic teeth. there's a mask that sticks to his face, as if it's part of the flesh. desperately he pulls at it, and with it, the reservations of how he views himself to all others in a toxic society. liquid drips down his cheeks and he doesn't care. instead, the release comes with a rush of power. it feels good. ]
no subject
Holy shit. It's like... an actual thing.
[Manifestation, she means. Very eloquent.]
no subject
he takes a breath as he shifts his hand away, putting it to the back of his neck so he can roll his shoulders. ]
Yeah.
[ then he makes a motion that kinda ... signify Arsene's wings. ]
It's part of me.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)