yeah, but he was obsessed with nate in the aerie like, nate was his whole life my relationship with him was worse? he was way more distant with me there than he is here and the reason i went to him to freak out is because i didn't think it would bother him the same way it would bother like you or roy or the other sam
I was there with him when you died He definitely cared, even if you guys weren't as close We actually kind of got into a fight Which was mostly my fault, I didn't react very well
it's okay to be honest I'm narcissistic enough that I've always wanted to know how my own funeral would go after I died, you know? so take it as a compliment if you want
It was definitely fucking awful, but if you don't laugh you cry something about silver linings I don't know, I cope with trauma using humor, accept me.
um fuck I don't know I don't think so Sam kind of asked me the same question, but his take is 'if you weren't fucking the answer is no'. So that seemed pretty definitive.
Alright so For the most part we would just hang out, you know I mean I hit on him all the time back at the start but You know I'd do that to like an 80 year old granny, it doesn't always mean something
But there's like this one stupid thing that makes it feel more complicated than that, but I don't actually know if it's relevant to him or in general or if it's even all that important or if I'm just overthinking everything into the ground
We did that thing that happens all the fucking time apparently, where we shared a dream
We were both young Basically kids, I don't know, early twenties or something and he lost somebody, and he was really fucking devastated and I kind of just kept thinking about my mom and I wanted to fix it for him but I couldn't figure anything out so finally I just kissed him That's basically it
It sounds stupid when I try to explain it
It was just a dream, we never even really talked about it
We've used it a few times. He showed me some of the cool places he's been. We never really shied away from it, like before I actually met you in person when I heroically unplugged the sim you're still welcome I got fucked up by this monster thing, he found me in the bathroom and stitched me up without a second thought about it Just stuff like that off and on without it being a big deal
Depends on what we're talking about but I don't know Happiness, excitement, amusement generally He felt really really like radiantly excited when he showed me his memory of a few temples I guess once we were talking about something that upset him and I wasn't I offered to help in a way he couldn't really take me up on, so he reached out and felt like really reassuring and really genuine, if that makes sense In general just Happy and excited, I guess, especially in Tibet
But it seriously isn't like all the time, it's just mostly in passing
I know, I know, it's a whole lot of nothing, so that's probably the answer
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
like, nate was his whole life
my relationship with him was
worse?
he was way more distant with me there than he is here
and the reason i went to him to freak out is because i didn't think it would bother him the same way it would bother like
you
or roy or the other sam
[But wait.]
when was he worrying about me?
no subject
He definitely cared, even if you guys weren't as close
We actually kind of got into a fight
Which was mostly my fault, I didn't react very well
no subject
he didn't tell me about that
what kind of fight?
no subject
It really wasn't my best moment
no subject
i didn't know
no subject
to be honest I'm narcissistic enough that I've always wanted to know how my own funeral would go after I died, you know?
so take it as a compliment if you want
no subject
no subject
Exactly
no subject
i didn't want you guys to go through that
no subject
something about silver linings
I don't know, I cope with trauma using humor, accept me.
no subject
btw
since we're talking about this
did you and nate have a thing before the aerie?
no subject
fuck
I don't know
I don't think so
Sam kind of asked me the same question, but his take is 'if you weren't fucking the answer is no'.
So that seemed pretty definitive.
no subject
that's not how that works
no subject
For the most part we would just hang out, you know
I mean I hit on him all the time back at the start but
You know
I'd do that to like an 80 year old granny, it doesn't always mean something
But there's like this one stupid thing that makes it feel more complicated than that, but I don't actually know if it's relevant to him or in general or if it's even all that important or if I'm just overthinking everything into the ground
no subject
what is it?
no subject
We were both young
Basically kids, I don't know, early twenties or something and he lost somebody, and he was really fucking devastated
and I kind of just kept thinking about my mom and I wanted to fix it for him but I couldn't figure anything out so finally I just kissed him
That's basically it
It sounds stupid when I try to explain it
It was just a dream, we never even really talked about it
no subject
i think that was probably after sam
um
look
i'm not gonna pretend i'm an expert or anything
but what you're telling me is pretty vague
no subject
I think I'm just overthinking it, especially in like hindsight now after all that shit happened.
no subject
maybe?
i think you just have to talk to him
do you guys like
use the empathy bond a lot or anything?
no subject
when I heroically unplugged the sim
you're still welcome
I got fucked up by this monster thing, he found me in the bathroom and stitched me up without a second thought about it
Just stuff like that off and on without it being a big deal
no subject
no subject
I don't know
Happiness, excitement, amusement generally
He felt really really like radiantly excited when he showed me his memory of a few temples
I guess once we were talking about something that upset him and I wasn't
I offered to help in a way he couldn't really take me up on, so he reached out and felt like
really reassuring and really genuine, if that makes sense
In general just
Happy and excited, I guess, especially in Tibet
But it seriously isn't like all the time, it's just mostly in passing
I know, I know, it's a whole lot of nothing, so that's probably the answer
no subject
whenever i touch you or sam i can feel how much you guys care about me
do you ever get anything like that from him?
no subject
Nothing ever directed at me specifically that I've noticed
no subject
[Well. Unless Nate has like, sociopathic levels of emotional control, that doesn't really bode well.]
well
you're cooler than he is anyway
[She's helping!!!]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)