look let's say hypothetically that sam has a huge crush on me and wants to be with me or whatever and doesn't just want some friends with benefits thing and let's say i figured out i wanted that too that thing in the aerie was literally the only time i've had a relationship where someone didn't decide i was too much work or i didn't fuck something up and that took me and him living like completely different lives i don't even think it counts
and maybe it would bug me if whoever i was with wouldn't admit we were a thing d word or not i'm always like half expecting people to leave even you sometimes the aerie was the first time i didn't don't you think being with someone who refused to call me his girlfriend would make that worse?
So maybe you DO call each other that, I don't know, compromise, he'll call you whatever you want if you're naked.
That's a joke.
Look, I'm not trying to give you the law for exactly what'll work best for you guys. But I really think if you both wanted to give it a shot you'd figure it out. You should talk about it. If that's something you're interested in.
I completely understand your worry, man. The aerie was my only functional relationship too, and this shit is scary, but
I don't think he's gonna leave your life if it doesn't work out and you decide to cut that part off. I didn't. Fuck, we've got like two lifetimes of proof now, plus a tattoo. Sort of balancing the scales a little at a time.
You know, being somebody you can't shake out of your life even if you tried really really hard and got a crowbar.
I don't know I'm not really vying for it or anything, I just Know how good it can be, and I want you to have that if you want it It's less about Sam specifically and more about you Seems like you could have something so I don't want you to miss out
It's one of those things that isn't hard to see when you're an objective observer
Just the way he talks about you, the way he acts, how he worries, and the aerie did give me a pretty solid idea of who he is as a person even outside of this context
I know it's not the same life, but I'm pretty much the same as I was there You're pretty much the same I think you can understand somebody based on who they were there, at least a decent amount
plus
I'm starting to figure out that if you were already something before the aerie, being something in the aerie means more than like if you were strangers, you know what I mean?
For example, I don't think you and Other Sam knew each other that well before, so coming back here it's just kind of jarring, there's no foundation that already exists in this life. But me and you were like family, and you were already my best friend in this iteration, so it's
I don't know, it's easier for that shit to compound
yeah, but he was obsessed with nate in the aerie like, nate was his whole life my relationship with him was worse? he was way more distant with me there than he is here and the reason i went to him to freak out is because i didn't think it would bother him the same way it would bother like you or roy or the other sam
I was there with him when you died He definitely cared, even if you guys weren't as close We actually kind of got into a fight Which was mostly my fault, I didn't react very well
it's okay to be honest I'm narcissistic enough that I've always wanted to know how my own funeral would go after I died, you know? so take it as a compliment if you want
It was definitely fucking awful, but if you don't laugh you cry something about silver linings I don't know, I cope with trauma using humor, accept me.
um fuck I don't know I don't think so Sam kind of asked me the same question, but his take is 'if you weren't fucking the answer is no'. So that seemed pretty definitive.
Alright so For the most part we would just hang out, you know I mean I hit on him all the time back at the start but You know I'd do that to like an 80 year old granny, it doesn't always mean something
But there's like this one stupid thing that makes it feel more complicated than that, but I don't actually know if it's relevant to him or in general or if it's even all that important or if I'm just overthinking everything into the ground
We did that thing that happens all the fucking time apparently, where we shared a dream
We were both young Basically kids, I don't know, early twenties or something and he lost somebody, and he was really fucking devastated and I kind of just kept thinking about my mom and I wanted to fix it for him but I couldn't figure anything out so finally I just kissed him That's basically it
It sounds stupid when I try to explain it
It was just a dream, we never even really talked about it
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look
let's say hypothetically that sam has a huge crush on me and wants to be with me or whatever and doesn't just want some friends with benefits thing
and let's say i figured out i wanted that too
that thing in the aerie was literally the only time i've had a relationship where someone didn't decide i was too much work or i didn't fuck something up
and that took me and him living like
completely different lives
i don't even think it counts
and maybe it would bug me if whoever i was with wouldn't admit we were a thing
d word or not
i'm always like
half expecting people to leave
even you sometimes
the aerie was the first time i didn't
don't you think being with someone who refused to call me his girlfriend would make that worse?
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That's a joke.
Look, I'm not trying to give you the law for exactly what'll work best for you guys. But I really think if you both wanted to give it a shot you'd figure it out. You should talk about it. If that's something you're interested in.
I completely understand your worry, man. The aerie was my only functional relationship too, and this shit is scary, but
I don't think he's gonna leave your life if it doesn't work out and you decide to cut that part off. I didn't. Fuck, we've got like two lifetimes of proof now, plus a tattoo. Sort of balancing the scales a little at a time.
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and why are you so
idk
invested in this?
it scares the shit out of me
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I don't know
I'm not really vying for it or anything, I just
Know how good it can be, and I want you to have that if you want it
It's less about Sam specifically and more about you
Seems like you could have something so
I don't want you to miss out
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i haven't really thought of anything else besides that
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well
fair enough
at least you know now, something to think about
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how do you even know?
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Just the way he talks about you, the way he acts, how he worries, and the aerie did give me a pretty solid idea of who he is as a person even outside of this context
I know it's not the same life, but
I'm pretty much the same as I was there
You're pretty much the same
I think you can understand somebody based on who they were there, at least a decent amount
plus
I'm starting to figure out that if you were already something before the aerie, being something in the aerie means more than like if you were strangers, you know what I mean?
For example, I don't think you and Other Sam knew each other that well before, so coming back here it's just kind of jarring, there's no foundation that already exists in this life. But me and you were like family, and you were already my best friend in this iteration, so it's
I don't know, it's easier for that shit to compound
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like, nate was his whole life
my relationship with him was
worse?
he was way more distant with me there than he is here
and the reason i went to him to freak out is because i didn't think it would bother him the same way it would bother like
you
or roy or the other sam
[But wait.]
when was he worrying about me?
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He definitely cared, even if you guys weren't as close
We actually kind of got into a fight
Which was mostly my fault, I didn't react very well
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he didn't tell me about that
what kind of fight?
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It really wasn't my best moment
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i didn't know
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to be honest I'm narcissistic enough that I've always wanted to know how my own funeral would go after I died, you know?
so take it as a compliment if you want
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Exactly
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i didn't want you guys to go through that
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something about silver linings
I don't know, I cope with trauma using humor, accept me.
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btw
since we're talking about this
did you and nate have a thing before the aerie?
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fuck
I don't know
I don't think so
Sam kind of asked me the same question, but his take is 'if you weren't fucking the answer is no'.
So that seemed pretty definitive.
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that's not how that works
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For the most part we would just hang out, you know
I mean I hit on him all the time back at the start but
You know
I'd do that to like an 80 year old granny, it doesn't always mean something
But there's like this one stupid thing that makes it feel more complicated than that, but I don't actually know if it's relevant to him or in general or if it's even all that important or if I'm just overthinking everything into the ground
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what is it?
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We were both young
Basically kids, I don't know, early twenties or something and he lost somebody, and he was really fucking devastated
and I kind of just kept thinking about my mom and I wanted to fix it for him but I couldn't figure anything out so finally I just kissed him
That's basically it
It sounds stupid when I try to explain it
It was just a dream, we never even really talked about it
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