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[evocation]

@kyna.medina | ■ ▲ ◌ ▼

Comments

[evocation]

i'd like to fry whatever server judas is on
but you know
i'm trapped here
and no cool zapping powers

[wittingly]

so you're feeling helpless to control your situation, frustrated by your inability to manipulate your environment

is there anything you can do proactively, maybe in a less direct way in order to take back even a little bit of that while you're in there?

[evocation]

oh god
you're psychoanalyzing
how am i supposed to do that?

[wittingly]

what can I say, i'm an endless well of curiosity and I like to inflate my own ego

one way might be to find a cause to align yourself with. I know there are people actively working a few strategies in there. getting on board might make you feel like you're taking the reins on your own situation to some degree

alternatively, have you been doing anything to manage your stress or have you just been stewing in it?

[evocation]

i tried that with one of the supply runs
it didn't work
it's like i told ren
i'm not a planner

[Also, she doesn't know how to manage her stress.]

[wittingly]

I'm not a planner either
guarantee there's more shit going on than just 1 effort
you could also take the humanitarian route, if you see a need among your peers that you can fulfill to positively influence the group as a whole. butterfly effect, you know, that kind of shit

guessing that's a no on the stress management

[evocation]

i'm not good at positive influence either
i suck at talking people through shit like this
look, i get that you're trying to help
but all of my skillsets are worthless here
in general, not just in this stupid sim

[wittingly]

let's break this down a little sister
you don't have to talk or even be a people person, your contributions can be physical. getting people shit they need, helping people who are starving, maybe running triage for the wounded or any other identified need
if you can't identify one, you can definitely just flat out ask someone in a position of delegation

I don't believe for a second your skillset is worthless
first of all we've established you have fantastic insight
second of all you can probably make a dick out of any material you've got and that's definitely one need some people want satisfied

just kidding

what would you say your talents are, ignoring this place and the sim altogether

[evocation]

most of them are magic based
i can break curses or banish spirits or identify nasty monsters
i dug into electrical engineering and electromagnetism but i'm not
you know
trained
and nothing in here is actually happening to us physically

[wittingly]

I can teach you more about both of those things if you want, when you're out
those are both incredibly useful, and even minimal skill can be beneficial

it's incredibly easy to choose your most obvious, most passionate talent and make that your identity, but being a human you're complex, you have more than just 1 identifier

what other hobbies, interests, or habits did you have aside from magic

[evocation]

[She actually... really does want to learn more about that, but she's also stubborn.]

are you making me your project right now?

[wittingly]

I'd be lying if I said that wasn't a fair accusation

but I promise it's just sort of an annoying aspect of my personality rather than a reflection on whether or not you actually need anything from anyone

I self-analyze just as hard, but I do less about it because I'm a hypocrit

also I'm pretty sure normal people sometimes call this "friendship" but they also probably don't get as overly enthusiastic about it as I do

I'm not great without something to focus on, I just start going out on like 50 trains of thought at once

^ obviously

[evocation]

[Kyna doesn't even know how to respond to this at first, because he's hitting a sort of middle ground between sincerity and alleviating her worries that she doesn't even know how to deal with. She's too flabbergasted to be scared off.]

okay dr. phil
so now you're focusing on me because you're
bored?

[wittingly]

I'm pretty sure that one's just an oversimplification, so
no

[evocation]

[Okay, he's annoyingly persistent.]

i know some first aid and i've been helping out at the clinic
does that count?

[wittingly]

It counts
Does it make you feel any better while you're doing it?

[evocation]

maybe
mostly i just feel like i'm spinning my fucking wheels
even outside the sim

[wittingly]

elaborate on that, I'm not so familiar with the term
I'm guessing: stuck in place?

[evocation]

yeah
that
shit just happens here and i don't have control over it

[wittingly]

you feel the same way back home, or just since you got here?

[evocation]

since i got here
don't you?
they drugged us and shoved implants in our heads

[wittingly]

where I came from aliens rip buildings out of the ground whether you're in them or not and they literally have things called "suicide busses"

so

I feel pretty good actually

[evocation]

ugh
sorry

[She feels kind of like an asshole now.]

i just mean
none of us belong here and we're all basically in hiding
my powers are gone and i'm back to working a shitty bartending job
we keep getting caught up in this shit none of us signed up for
and now i'm in a sim where the fact that i died doesn't even matter

[Whoops, that kind of slipped out.]

[wittingly]

There are things within your power to do that can better influence control over your life. Maybe not outright control, nobody gets that, but there are things you can do to narrow the variables and consequently the possible outcomes down to a few more targeted paths rather than, you know, just like wide open possibilities for terrible
I see a couple opportunities here

your powers for starters
the shitty bartending job is another one
I feel like now's a good time to throw in the disclaimer that I teach for half my living, and it's sort of ingrained habit to steer people looking for direction toward careers and shit so
i'm doing the advisor thing more than the condescending thing, or trying to

not to be nihilist but for what it's worth it doesn't matter in the grand scheme when anyone dies, the world keeps turning
the good news is it wasn't permanent

how realistic was the dying? I don't wanna tread too heavily on this because it seems like the type of conversation path that could leave you feeling hollowed out, but I'd love to ask you some questions if you feel like talking about it might be cathartic

[evocation]

it was realistic
and i don't get how my powers or my bartending job are opportunities