no, jesus i'm not special enough to make a guy who doesn't do relationships crush on me like some teenager my mom thought she was the exception, and look where that got her
[Is he tapping into her abandonment issues here? Maybe!]
Alright so first of all let's get your self-esteem back up to where it should be because that self-deprecating shit is just bogus. You're amazing and you know it, mother fucker.
Second of all, like, yeah he's definitely never gonna call it dating because he's probably the only person here more emotionally constipated than me and you are. You guys are like those fainting goats that just kind of drop and play dead when anything spooks them, but you're in a hallway facing each other and every time anyone moves too fast you both just go BAHH and fall down
No, you guys aren't teenagers. this shit works a little differently as adults with an unbelievable amount of emotional baggage and a fear of both intimacy and vulnerability. But seeing as I am now a relationship expert having been in One ever that has apparently died not with a bang but a whimper I think my assessment is pretty much unquestionable.
That one was a joke.
He cares about you, he's into you, he would never call it dating you but I think if you wanted it he'd stick around and have sex and love you and generally do all of the things a very invested person would.
And if you don't want that, I think he's pretty content just hanging back being really into you from a distance, being your friend, and pretending to just hit on you because that part is safe & light.
& I'm super curious what it is you're feeling about him.
1. are you basing all of this off of the version of sam you knew in the aerie?
2. saying he's going to fall in love with me is a huge leap
3. just because he thinks i'm hot and likes being around me doesn't mean he wants to date me we had sex and we're best friends and i don't see you asking me to dinner
4. did you even talk to him before you talked to me?
1. Nope, that just helped me understand him a little better
2. I'm saying he could, the potential is there
3. You keep saying date like it's gotta be this black and white thing, you can be with somebody without ever using the D word We have dinner all the time, but there's a subtle difference
4. Hell no, no way. I'm not playing messenger or anything, I'm just pointing it out.
sometimes you don't have to put a label on something and confine it to a box, you don't have to have these rigid structures and definitions
two people can feel the same thing and enjoy spending time together and enjoy having sex with each other and have a mutual understanding that they care for one another, and that's enough, it doesn't have to be more complicated than that, not for a long while, not until (or if) it feels right
like
you don't have to update your facebook status to 'in a relationship' and require a nightly check-in and call each other boyfriend girlfriend and live under the constant ticking time clock of relationship milestones, like oh we've been dating for six months time to move in together, we've been together two years time to get married
it doesn't really have to be like that
you just kind of have to ask yourself
do you enjoy spending time with them do you want to have sex with them do you feel that Thing that differentiates romantic from platonic
and if so there you go
also I'm like super duper sure you'd freak out if he used the D word on you too, or the term Dating came up at all, so just ignore it entirely and go with the flow for a while
look let's say hypothetically that sam has a huge crush on me and wants to be with me or whatever and doesn't just want some friends with benefits thing and let's say i figured out i wanted that too that thing in the aerie was literally the only time i've had a relationship where someone didn't decide i was too much work or i didn't fuck something up and that took me and him living like completely different lives i don't even think it counts
and maybe it would bug me if whoever i was with wouldn't admit we were a thing d word or not i'm always like half expecting people to leave even you sometimes the aerie was the first time i didn't don't you think being with someone who refused to call me his girlfriend would make that worse?
So maybe you DO call each other that, I don't know, compromise, he'll call you whatever you want if you're naked.
That's a joke.
Look, I'm not trying to give you the law for exactly what'll work best for you guys. But I really think if you both wanted to give it a shot you'd figure it out. You should talk about it. If that's something you're interested in.
I completely understand your worry, man. The aerie was my only functional relationship too, and this shit is scary, but
I don't think he's gonna leave your life if it doesn't work out and you decide to cut that part off. I didn't. Fuck, we've got like two lifetimes of proof now, plus a tattoo. Sort of balancing the scales a little at a time.
You know, being somebody you can't shake out of your life even if you tried really really hard and got a crowbar.
I don't know I'm not really vying for it or anything, I just Know how good it can be, and I want you to have that if you want it It's less about Sam specifically and more about you Seems like you could have something so I don't want you to miss out
It's one of those things that isn't hard to see when you're an objective observer
Just the way he talks about you, the way he acts, how he worries, and the aerie did give me a pretty solid idea of who he is as a person even outside of this context
I know it's not the same life, but I'm pretty much the same as I was there You're pretty much the same I think you can understand somebody based on who they were there, at least a decent amount
plus
I'm starting to figure out that if you were already something before the aerie, being something in the aerie means more than like if you were strangers, you know what I mean?
For example, I don't think you and Other Sam knew each other that well before, so coming back here it's just kind of jarring, there's no foundation that already exists in this life. But me and you were like family, and you were already my best friend in this iteration, so it's
I don't know, it's easier for that shit to compound
yeah, but he was obsessed with nate in the aerie like, nate was his whole life my relationship with him was worse? he was way more distant with me there than he is here and the reason i went to him to freak out is because i didn't think it would bother him the same way it would bother like you or roy or the other sam
I was there with him when you died He definitely cared, even if you guys weren't as close We actually kind of got into a fight Which was mostly my fault, I didn't react very well
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[Stop making her anxious!!]
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i'm not special enough to make a guy who doesn't do relationships crush on me like some teenager
my mom thought she was the exception, and look where that got her
[Is he tapping into her abandonment issues here? Maybe!]
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Second of all, like, yeah he's definitely never gonna call it dating because he's probably the only person here more emotionally constipated than me and you are. You guys are like those fainting goats that just kind of drop and play dead when anything spooks them, but you're in a hallway facing each other and every time anyone moves too fast you both just go BAHH and fall down
but
emotionally
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and i'm not being self-deprecating
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No, you guys aren't teenagers. this shit works a little differently as adults with an unbelievable amount of emotional baggage and a fear of both intimacy and vulnerability. But seeing as I am now a relationship expert having been in One ever that has apparently died not with a bang but a whimper I think my assessment is pretty much unquestionable.
That one was a joke.
He cares about you, he's into you, he would never call it dating you but I think if you wanted it he'd stick around and have sex and love you and generally do all of the things a very invested person would.
And if you don't want that, I think he's pretty content just hanging back being really into you from a distance, being your friend, and pretending to just hit on you because that part is safe & light.
& I'm super curious what it is you're feeling about him.
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2. saying he's going to fall in love with me is a huge leap
3. just because he thinks i'm hot and likes being around me doesn't mean he wants to date me
we had sex and we're best friends and i don't see you asking me to dinner
4. did you even talk to him before you talked to me?
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2. I'm saying he could, the potential is there
3. You keep saying date like it's gotta be this black and white thing, you can be with somebody without ever using the D word
We have dinner all the time, but there's a subtle difference
4. Hell no, no way. I'm not playing messenger or anything, I'm just pointing it out.
And also
still super curious about your feelings banyna
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and i don't know
i haven't sat down and quizzed myself
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sometimes you don't have to put a label on something and confine it to a box, you don't have to have these rigid structures and definitions
two people can feel the same thing and enjoy spending time together and enjoy having sex with each other and have a mutual understanding that they care for one another, and that's enough, it doesn't have to be more complicated than that, not for a long while, not until (or if) it feels right
like
you don't have to update your facebook status to 'in a relationship' and require a nightly check-in and call each other boyfriend girlfriend and live under the constant ticking time clock of relationship milestones, like oh we've been dating for six months time to move in together, we've been together two years time to get married
it doesn't really have to be like that
you just kind of have to ask yourself
do you enjoy spending time with them
do you want to have sex with them
do you feel that Thing that differentiates romantic from platonic
and if so
there you go
also I'm like super duper sure you'd freak out if he used the D word on you too, or the term Dating came up at all, so just
ignore it entirely and go with the flow for a while
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that's not what freaks me out
btw
you have just as many hang ups as me
why are you suddenly acting like you don't?
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look
let's say hypothetically that sam has a huge crush on me and wants to be with me or whatever and doesn't just want some friends with benefits thing
and let's say i figured out i wanted that too
that thing in the aerie was literally the only time i've had a relationship where someone didn't decide i was too much work or i didn't fuck something up
and that took me and him living like
completely different lives
i don't even think it counts
and maybe it would bug me if whoever i was with wouldn't admit we were a thing
d word or not
i'm always like
half expecting people to leave
even you sometimes
the aerie was the first time i didn't
don't you think being with someone who refused to call me his girlfriend would make that worse?
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That's a joke.
Look, I'm not trying to give you the law for exactly what'll work best for you guys. But I really think if you both wanted to give it a shot you'd figure it out. You should talk about it. If that's something you're interested in.
I completely understand your worry, man. The aerie was my only functional relationship too, and this shit is scary, but
I don't think he's gonna leave your life if it doesn't work out and you decide to cut that part off. I didn't. Fuck, we've got like two lifetimes of proof now, plus a tattoo. Sort of balancing the scales a little at a time.
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and why are you so
idk
invested in this?
it scares the shit out of me
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I don't know
I'm not really vying for it or anything, I just
Know how good it can be, and I want you to have that if you want it
It's less about Sam specifically and more about you
Seems like you could have something so
I don't want you to miss out
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i haven't really thought of anything else besides that
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well
fair enough
at least you know now, something to think about
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how do you even know?
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Just the way he talks about you, the way he acts, how he worries, and the aerie did give me a pretty solid idea of who he is as a person even outside of this context
I know it's not the same life, but
I'm pretty much the same as I was there
You're pretty much the same
I think you can understand somebody based on who they were there, at least a decent amount
plus
I'm starting to figure out that if you were already something before the aerie, being something in the aerie means more than like if you were strangers, you know what I mean?
For example, I don't think you and Other Sam knew each other that well before, so coming back here it's just kind of jarring, there's no foundation that already exists in this life. But me and you were like family, and you were already my best friend in this iteration, so it's
I don't know, it's easier for that shit to compound
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like, nate was his whole life
my relationship with him was
worse?
he was way more distant with me there than he is here
and the reason i went to him to freak out is because i didn't think it would bother him the same way it would bother like
you
or roy or the other sam
[But wait.]
when was he worrying about me?
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He definitely cared, even if you guys weren't as close
We actually kind of got into a fight
Which was mostly my fault, I didn't react very well
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he didn't tell me about that
what kind of fight?
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